I’d been thinking about this one for quite awhile now. Lots of ideas, feelings, reflections, maybe even some insights; who knows?

To say a lot happened this past year would probably be at least a bit of an understatement. Come to think of it, maybe a lot kinda happens every year? Maybe that’s just life.

Thinking about the past year; the happiness, the peace, the challenges, the tribulations, it made me realize how full your heart can be pretty much all the time – only sometimes it’s Love, other times it’s sadness. Or, any place in between.

I’ve thought a lot about Love. I thought about what it felt like in 2022. It felt like a bunch of different things; joy, meaning, belief, security, uncertainty, sorrow – all of it, growth, though. And, tough to argue otherwise. Which, is what you’re supposed to do when focusing on the good. But, it wasn’t just the past year that all of this came flooding in, it was the past ten years that were speaking to me.

Give or take a bit of time, 2012 was a beginning of sorts. It was a chapter. Maybe even a few, or a really big one. Some how, some way, that chapter was about Love. In hindsight, it makes sense why it was, but at the time, I wouldn’t have guessed. Without knowing, at the time, I really didn’t know anything about Love.

Love gave me something to think about and care about that was bigger than just myself. Probably, for the first time ever. Sometimes you don’t realize something until you stop doing it. Or, start doing it. Either way, here it was. Here I was. Shoulders shrugged, wide-eyed, open-minded, wondering who I was, bewildered as to who I’d been.

It’s something of a journey to start on. Like, really intentionally start on. To be scared, but not be scared. To learn, but learn you know nothing. To feel, but feel paralyzed. To triumph, but because of failure. It seems like, ten years later, that’s what’s supposed to happen when you choose Love.

I used to roll my eyes at all the lame cliches telling me that I have to “fake it til I make it” and to “not see problems but see them as challenges”. Or, that “happiness is choice”, “change the way you look at things if you want the things you look at to change” and to “Love yourself”. All of it meant nothing. Ignorance and arrogance will make most things mean nothing.

From the perler bead heart hanging from the rearview mirror of my truck, to posting 296 times on this website, to thinking up a corny quote to write on my chalkboard everyday for a year to share with whoever would see it, to searching for what was most important to me; I chose Love. I learned that choosing Love is choosing all possibilities. And, it’s not like you choose Love and all of sudden it’s there and you’re whole. It’s the opposite. When you choose it, you realize how many holes there are.

Choosing Love means you choose to let someone in. It means you choose to let yourself in. It means you choose to Love and to be Loved. And, to not be loved. It means you choose to understand more and sometimes that comes by way of not understanding. Choosing Love means you choose more for yourself; it’s always growth. It comes with everything; joy, hope, optimism, courage, compassion, purpose, pain, sorrow, defeat, confusion, pessimism and heartbreak. Choosing Love is choosing all possibilities.

If you choose this path to walk, there’s a few inevitable discoveries; you understand how much you can Love, you realize Loving yourself is actually real and you learn this path never ends.

Choosing Love is choosing all possibilities. When it’s good, it’s good. It’s easy when it’s good. When it’s not good, it’s really not good. It makes you want to give up on everything. Like it was a big mistake. You might try to Love someone and it may not work out the way you’d thought. You might try to have more Love toward family and friends, leaving you doubting your compassion and patience. You might make great progress trying to Love yourself, only to wake up one morning feeling as though it had all been erased. But, none of it is a mistake. It’s growth. And, sometimes that means outgrowing yourself while still being stuck in yourself. Those are the instances that feel like a mistake. Those are the instances of doubt, second-guessing, self-bargaining, confusion, sadness and pain. But, you choose it again for the next moment, the next opportunity and the next day because there’s pretty much always another one of those nexts to try again.

Choosing Love is strength. You choose everything that’s beautiful about it and everything that isn’t. It’s the stuff that isn’t so beautiful that Love wants you to learn from, too. So much so, that there comes a day when you actually start to believe all of it is a gift. You may not believe it every day, but you know why you should. And then, it gets easier to feel what’s good in your heart even in the times of heartbreak or disappointment or the days when it’s tough to Love yourself. I don’t think it ever gets entirely easy, but you know it’s a gift. You find patience with yourself until you find the gratitude in the gift.

And now, all those lame cliches, I believe them.

Love yourself. Love someone. Love what you have in your life. Give Love. Receive Love. Trust Love.

Ten years; it feels like the blink of an eye and a whole lifetime, all at the same time. Would I have done some things differently? Would I have said some things a better way? Would I have learned some things faster? Probably yes, to all of those questions. But, I gave Love and I received Love and my heart was as full as it’s ever been and as empty as it’s ever been. I’m thankful and I’m better for all of it. You find gratitude, you find growth, you find as much beauty as you can. You find faith. And, you keep going.

Nothing ever ends. Not when it’s Love.

Be Love