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who’s in your starting line up?

There’s a bit of cosmic wisdom floating about hypothesizing that you are, more or less, the average of the five people you interact with most. Whether it’s family, your partner, a friend or a co-worker, it’s the five people you spend time with, seek advice from, cultivate ideas together, go to help for, share your personal life with and all the things in between. In effect, your human environment.

As malleable beings, we are shaped by our surroundings be it physical, emotional, mental or ethereal. If you’re outside in the dead of winter without a coat, you’ll probably get cold. If you’re at the library picking out a book to read, you’ll probably be more quiet than if you were picking strawberries. If you’re at rock concert, you’ll probably be jumping around or, at the least, tapping your foot. If you’re attending a funeral service, your mood will most likely be sombre and earnest. And, if you’re meditating with a bunch of like-minded people, you’ll probably feel a higher energy than if you were alone in your dining room.

We are, on varying levels of influence, readily conditioned, driven by emotion and subconsciously patterned in our own thinking and responses to the various experiences and connections we encounter in our lives. That is to say, sometimes we know exactly what a situation or how a person influences and impacts us and sometimes we have no clue.

And so, what does it all mean? Think of the five people you’ve drawn yourself closest to or have drawn themselves closest to you. Who are they to you? What do they stand for? What do they believe in? What do they aspire toward whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? And, the biggest question of them all; are those people a reflection of who you really feel you are or want to be? Think law of attraction stuff here.

It goes without saying that we all feel a need for acceptance. We feel a need for validation. We feel a need for connection. And, ultimately, we feel a need for Love. These are largely the motivation behind the relationships we seek and maintain.

The “five people” hypothesis doesn’t definitively dictate that we are exactly who we share our time with. But, the idea has more than enough merit to garner sincere consideration. Let’s say you’re a regularly active person. Who is the most likely to give you that extra push toward a workout on a sluggish day; a partner that also stays physically active or a Netflix binge watcher? Is your closest friend at work a chronic complainer with no desire to find actual solutions? Do their qualms “encourage” you chip in your own two cents because either, they’ve triggered something in your own mind that frustrated you or you want to offer your friend a feeling of acceptance that they’re not alone? At the least, you may just sit there in silence and absorb their negativity. And really, does any of that sound constructive for you?

What about your social circle? Do they just slander whichever friends couldn’t make it that night or act obnoxious and just wait for one person to stop talking so the next person can? Do they rant about their husbands or their wives? It happens. Probably more often than anyone would like to acknowledge. Those environments fuel our conscious and our subconscious regardless of how much individual fortitude we believe we possess.

I think of my own social activities. I like to have a beer or two and talk about sports with the guys. But, I like speaking about the Universe more. I like speaking with people that like it, too. The people that have open hearts to share about what they’re going through in life; their challenges, their triumphs, the thought provoking ideas that pop into their heads. So, I hang out with those people more. I still go for beers and sports, but I go for the Universe stuff more.

I like spending time with people that hug hello and hug goodbye. I like spending time with people that look to communication as a way to help themselves through tough times or as a method of coping with the things they can’t figure out on their own. I like hanging out with people that partake in alcohol, or the like, to have fun, not to escape life. And, I like to hang out with people that kindly and compassionately, but firmly, call me out when I need to be called out.

In no way is this an edict (not that I have any authority) to abandon all the people you have in your life that complain or don’t exercise or haven’t ever meditated or like to drink beer. But, what balance do you have in your relationships? Are you growing more than you’re regressing? Does it feel like you’re standing still? Do you have the support and encouragement you really need? Do you really have people that want to see you thrive and want to shine with you or just passers-by on your highway of life? There’s a constructive way about all of the aforementioned. But, the thing is that in this instance, it’s definitely a “it takes two to tango” thing.

And so, maybe there’s some distance you need to create between yourself and some people and some distances you should shorten? Maybe there are some tough conversations you need to have with the people you really want in your life and the people you don’t want in your life? Maybe you need a different place to work with people searching for solutions or to join a different softball team with people most interested in just having fun? You have the ability to orchestrate your environment as a product of who you aspire to be rather than be the product of your environment. But, it takes awareness. It takes courage. And, it takes the support of the right people for you.

That, is self Love.

Be Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

how are you moving?….

We don’t do enough that moves us.

Human life is about feeling and we are desensitizing ourselves to that identity; at least, from the perspective of truly feeling something within that is connected to our natural being. Sure we feel; we feel stressed, we feel angry, we feel entitled, we feel instant gratification, we feel false need, we feel victimized, we feel a lot of these feelings. But, what of those? What do those feelings illicit in a person? When I recount my own experience in those spaces, I find little awareness, evolution or connection to who I really am nor a great ability to clear that fog from those situations because of the vibration those emotions and intentions resonate at. In the absence of a more eloquent categorization, those are the experiences that don’t move us. Those are the experiences that keep us stuck. Those are the spaces we spend a lot of time in.

And now, while both the ups and downs are how we learn and evolve in our life, I don’t know if I would necessarily qualify any of the aforementioned as great teachers. Why? Because of the motivation behind them. It seems odd that one would have a motivation behind any of those seemingly not-so-great feelings, but we do. Our motivation is tied to the feeling is tied to the result; a low vibration. Ever feel sorry for yourself? Ever tell someone why you feel sorry for yourself but you frame it a way that makes you the victim of those feelings? Ever feel ‘better’ when the someone supports that you should feel that way? That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the low vibration we attract over and over again that we learn little to nothing from because it’s rooted in a self-prophesized dismal fulfillment that we lose the real lesson in. The reward to our misdirected motivation and crummy feeling, is confirmation of our low vibration. It’s like we were ‘right’. And, human beings like to be ‘right’ regardless of what it proves or doesn’t prove.

The great teachers of our life are the experiences whereby our intention is rooted in being ‘more’. When you approach an experience in life with an intention that is of a higher frequency, you inherently bring to you more that lifts you up rather than pulls you down. You bring more clarity to your situation whether it’s good or not-so-good. The likelihood of experiencing compassion, empathy, understanding, patience, peace and Love increases exponentially if what you’re doing, what you’re shooting for, has an underlying foundation of that.

I think about that stuff that moves me. I think about the things that my make Heart feel really big or make me invincible, even if just for a second. I think about the things that fill my eyes up with tears not because of sadness but because of beauty; and to be honest, sometimes there is sadness in that beauty. I think about being vulnerable. I think about communicating tough things. I think about who my Heart is telling me that I really am. These are all spaces that have the great potential to move us; to move us to a higher place. To expand how we perceive life, how we receive life and, ultimately, how much Love we’re willing to be a part of.

Choose to experience life in ways that move you – volunteer, read something beautiful, think of someone earnestly, be honest with your Heart, sit in the forest by yourself, stare at the midnight stars – connect with who you really are. Connect yourself to people that support who you really are because they’re trying to support who they really are. It will bring you the joy, peace, happiness and Love you are supposed to have, not the other junk we’ve lost our focus in. Choosing those experiences are not tough. What’s tough is that we’ve become so used to the converse, that we probably don’t know where to look anymore. So, stop looking. Just feel more. Like, really feel. Be vulnerable, be open, be willing to learn and shift your life. Ask the universe what direction you need to go in. With an open Heart, ask what you should do. The answer is waiting for you, don’t wait for it.

Be Love.

what you plant will grow

We all just want one thing. It’s Love. Sometimes, the most obvious can be the most insightful.

The inference I’ve made is one I know with certainty. To which one may ask, what authority is it that I possess to make such a claim with such certainty. A fair question. My answer; my life. My authority is my life.

I think that we think we want a lot of things for ourselves in this lifetime. We strive for those things. We set goals. We make plans. We aim to achieve the things we want. And, achieve, we do. We feel accomplished, we feel proud, we feel we’ve done something important; another milestone reached. All of which I support. I encourage goals and endeavours. I applaud accomplishments and achievements. This is certainly not a diatribe to shit on any of it.

By all means, accumulate all that you feel will bring fulfilment to your life. Enjoyment, satisfaction, success; these are real emotions that we’ve been empowered with to experience life in many diverse ways. None of it is ‘bad’, as much as how none of it is really ‘good’. This is not a condemnation of worldly ventures.

Nor is it a renouncement of the emotions that make us feel seen and heard; acceptance, respect, consideration, thoughtfulness, recognition, appreciation; the list can continue on to the stars. This is not a denunciation that we shouldn’t seek the things that make us feel human. After all, we are just that; human. Yes, just that, but not only that.

When I speak about the idea of how we all just want Love, I speak from a place of experience. The experience of my life; the goals, the accomplishments, the career, material items, acceptance, respect, accolades, all of it. Yet, here I am still. Speaking of what’s bigger than any of it. Love.

I write this because of how much Love moves me; because of how much it’s moved me. There is no replacement for Love. There is nothing more meaningful than to give Love and to receive Love. To argue otherwise, in this direction, would fall on deaf ears. We seemingly place almost everything ahead of this goal; of making Love a goal. We think it just happens and it’s the rest of life that needs our time, effort and energy. When we expend our resources, though, attaining what we view as fulfilment, why is it still that there is a pull toward something more? Or, an emptiness that we thought we’d filled? Love is what needs our time, effort and energy. All of it. From it all else follows.

We don’t perceive Love as an actionable goal. But, it is. Self Love, devoting your Love to another, being able to receive Love; these are all endeavours that come to be by dedicating ourselves to that goal. Our direction is opposite; we need this first, or to attain that first. Or, once we get our insecurity harboured or our fear quelled, then we’ll open up. We seek security and safety ahead of true, heartfelt Love. And often, amidst all of how we think we are establishing a place to plant and grow Love, we wonder why we can’t find Love. It’s because we’re looking for everything except It.

We all do really want one thing; it’s not a question. It can’t be because you’re not here for any other reason. I am confident that if you haven’t reached this place in your experience yet, you will. You will take stock of what you have and if real Love isn’t there, you will feel that absence. It is that absence that will make all else obsolete in your life. It really is beautiful, actually, to awaken to this. You are here for one reason; Love. Tto give, to receive, to feel. To

Be Love.

ok, ok….I hear you?

My dad has taught me a bunch of things; how to change the brakes on my truck, the way to replace a toilet, understanding the inner workings of caring for a home and, basically, that I can figure out most anything that I could pay someone to do for me (and if I needed some obscure tool to do whatever it was, it was probably in the garage).

My father grew up in a circumstance that required resourcefulness above anything else. There wasn’t much to go around other than to be hard working and make due the best way possible. The experience and challenges he lived through in his formative years, shaped the way he would bring of himself to his family; to provide for us as best as he could regardless of the work it took of him so that we wouldn’t experience, first hand, what he did. As he worked and worked and worked to give us the things he went without growing up, he also focused on empowering my brother and I with a mentality that helped us believe we were smart enough and capable enough to learn how to do anything and to not be dependent upon others. To him, like many, knowledge is power. But, even further to that, he knew that being confident in yourself to find the knowledge and use that knowledge, was even greater power.

As a fully functioning and contributing adult (although, I’m sure still a smart mouth eighteen year old in his eyes), there’s not really much teaching going on anymore. Sure, he’s there to help in a moment’s notice or answer a question about hot water tanks or thermostats, but I figure he recognizes my brother and I are running our own lives and we’re doing ok. Not to mention, he’s been there for us more times than anyone could ever expect; even when I was a smart mouth eighteen year old. He’s done his part.

And yet, much to my surprise and I’m sure without him even knowing, he recently taught me one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in quite some time; when true emotion is felt, people communicate the best way they know possible and it is real and sincere.

A little while ago, my dad and I had a moment. Not a warm, feely moment, but the other kind. As said moment was unfolding, my awareness could see what was about to happen and I responded in a manner I’d never done before when going toe-to-toe with him. I felt positive and, more importantly, at peace with how I handled things. And, save the details, for all intents and purposes, I was probably due an apology. But, if history was any sort of predictor of the future, I knew there wasn’t one coming.

Not too long thereafter, at a family event, as I was saying goodbye to both he and my mom, he said something to me as I hugged him. It took me about a day to finally realize and say, “oh shit! That was his apology”, but I said, “Oh shit! That was his apology”.

What he said doesn’t matter and, in truth, it wasn’t anything that will forever go down in poetic lore. I didn’t realize at the time it was happening, but what he said was all he had the capacity to use as communication to convey what he felt. It was all he had the ability or the confidence or the courage, or whatever, to say to me to offer as reconciliation to what had happened the week prior. The thing is, because I know my father, because I know how he grew up, because I know where he came from, because I know how he works, I realized that it wasn’t for me to expect more from him. It was my responsibility to understand what he was trying to say. It was my responsibility to translate his communication because he, himself, could not translate it. He could not translate it from what it felt like in his Heart to what it should sound like with his voice. But, it was real and it was sincere.

And so, I am empowered with a new perspective toward receiving communication. I am empowered with not just hearing or not hearing the words I might expect to hear from someone, but to understand and interpret and feel what is being put out there. We all don’t communicate the same. We all don’t have the same experiences. We all don’t have the same ability to convey what’s really in our Heart to translate in a way that reflects that. I’ve learned that there’s more to just hearing and listening, there’s feeling. We feel what we feel, we say what we feel and we feel what we say. But, how often do we feel what someone else is saying or even not saying? And, I don’t mean us feeling what it is, but feeling it as though we were them. That is what feeling someone else’s Heart is. That is truly opening your own Heart to theirs. That is connection. That is compassion.

Thanks, Dad. You’ve done more than I, myself, may ever have the words to express.

Be Love.

space, the final frontier

Sorry. This isn’t about Star Trek.

There’s only so much you can effectively manage at any one point in time. And, whatever you believe the amount to be that you can manage effectively, it’s actually much less.

The plain and simple of it is that we’ve got too much stuff going on in our lives. On every level. We need to make space.

We do too much. We want too much. We own too much. We think too much. We worry too much. We everything too much. Making space focuses on lightening your life; lightening that which takes you away from you.

Space allows for two things to happen; old, stagnant energy to vacate and new, fresh energy to enter. Making space doesn’t mean you get rid of everything that is old or doesn’t serve you how it used to or whatever it may be. Making space is about challenging what you really need in your life from what seems like the most inconsequential to the stuff you don’t know where to begin to deal with.

There will certainly be things you will identify that you can do without, materially speaking. But I caution, don’t be tricked by things that seem like they don’t take up much room or get in the way. If it doesn’t serve you, be rid of it. Perhaps there is opportunity for someone else to make use of what you can’t? Above all, it releases dormant energy that has taken up residence in your environment. The importance being, again, move things out to open it up to something new. Or, better still, leave it free. Leave it to be an open abode that does not need to filled with anything. What feels better? A closet or a garage that’s bursting at the seams or one that’s open and easy to navigate?

What about the seemingly silly stuff we see on a daily basis? How inundated is your inbox? Have you given out your email address to every store in the mall to get their “deal of the week” notice to buy more shit you really don’t need? Unsubsribe. How many accounts do you follow on Instagram? If it doesn’t make you laugh, provide insight or keep in touch with someone you really want to keep in touch with, unfollow. Same with Facebook. Hey, there’s a lot of great social media out there, but really choose what enriches your life. Otherwise, it’s clutter. Electronic clutter.

What about your schedule. Are you effective and efficient in your daily administrative tasks of life? Do you say, “yes” to everything? Do you go here and there to please everyone but yourself? Are the things you’re doing really serving you or just autopilot stuff? Sometimes, the biggest help one can give themselves is to simply sit down and actually evaluate how things are being done. There’s always a better way.

And finally, although the list could literally be endless, I leave with this; make space within yourself. Make space within your Heart and mind of that which you’ve been carrying that is too heavy to carry any further. We all have our challenges and our burdens, but that doesn’t mean they are just to be our own. Share your story and your pain with someone that truly cares about you. Share it with someone that wants to help clear it from your life. Or, perhaps seek out a counselor or someone in a professional field. Freeing yourself from the heaviness that you carry in your Heart and mind, will be the biggest creator of space in your life. This is a form of lightness that will release you from the prison its created and transform itself into joy and peace with the person you truly are. You were meant to be light. Shine.

Be Love.

this is one superpower i don’t want

Invulnerability.

No. No thanks. Not for me.

So, you think you’re doing pretty good; making forward progress. And, you are. You’re doing great. You ARE making progress; maybe even feeling a bit proud of yourself.  But then….the Universe says, “not so fast, guy”, stomach punch, take a knee.

My week past had a resounding theme to it, vulnerability. It’d been a long time since I’d had a week where a particular message just gets pounded into you everywhere you turn. At first, you think you notice something but aren’t really exactly sure. It happens again and gets a bit more of your attention. Still not sure, though. Then, the Universe starts getting a teensy bit impatient with your astute ability at being obtuse and kicks you in the shin. “Third time’s a charm”, right? Now you’ve noticed; the tidal wave hits. It was vulnerability.

I got the picture that I hadn’t delved into vulnerability as intimately as I thought I had. Sure, I’d read about it, I’d YouTubed it, even had some conversations about it. But, the more I thought about it, the more I think I realized I never really got any deeper into it. The message was that it was time that I did.

I let my awareness do the work simply by asking for it to come to me. I hadn’t been aware of not being aware of it until now; if that makes sense? And, I’ll admit, I gave myself a decent sized headshake when I finally received some insight I hadn’t known before. The “of course, I should of known that” headshake (even though I know it’s ok that I didn’t know it at the time). In truth, I’d thought I was pretty good at being vulnerable. I’m not shy to tell people I believe in Love; I could care less about having watery eyes watching The Little Prince; and I don’t hold back sharing my feelings. But, that’s just it; I’m not scared of any of those things. I’m not scared of those parts. And, that’s why I thought I was getting pretty good at it. You know what that really is, though? That’s getting comfortable. The Universe doesn’t mind if you get comfortable for a little while, but it doesn’t want you staying there for too long. There’s bigger things to be done.

And so, I thought….I thought about what vulnerability is to me, and….vulnerability is the capacity to be open and honest with what’s in your Heart without the fear of reaction, response, reprisal or consequence. The stuff I just spoke about; those were things that I may have once been vulnerable toward, but I wasn’t anymore. There was nothing I was scared of in those situations. I grew into those things. This past week, the Universe was telling me I need to keep growing.

Being truly vulnerable is not easy. It is really tough, actually. It’s not only facing your fear of what may (or may not) come back at you as a result of your openness, but it’s exposing your personal self. When you’re really at the core of who are, there’s a tonne of stuff there. There’s Love and happiness and pain and anguish, joy and hope and depression and despair. And, you’re deciding to share it not knowing what awaits. How could you not be scared? It’s all the stuff that’s down in there that the mind tells us we should be scared of because of what we can potentially lose by letting it out. But, the only thing we really lose when we let it out is the prison it’s trapped in. We free our Heart.

That’s not even to mention how badly you could just screw it up, too. You may not say something the way you intended. Or, do something the way you had planned it out in your head. Or, you just simply forget to say or do something because you’re in the middle of a hurricane of emotion and fear. But, it’s all ok. Vulnerability is accepting that you will be in this position. You know who gets to worry about the stuff that it seems you didn’t do “right”? The Universe. The Universe makes it right for you because that’s how it supports you when you offer your true, sincere self. You do your part, It does its. Nothing ever worth it was easy.

So, do I want to be invulnerable? No. I want to feel all of it. I want to grow from the pain and get bigger with the Love. You can’t have one side of it without the other. It will get you where you need to be. It will get you to a place where the Love in your Heart blankets everything else. It won’t stop the bad stuff, the tough times or the hardships; but, it covers it, brings it close and says, “I’ll take care of this. You’ll be ok”.

“When you’re vulnerable and freaked out, it’s so easy to end something. To actually lean in in those moments and do the work is going to be scary, it’s going to be challenging. But all you have to do is start. And you should expect that it’s challenging and you should love that it’s challenging, because then you’ll appreciate it” – Mark Groves

 

Be Love.

 

 

 

 

it’s not just all in your head

We’ve all been there. In fact, we might all be here right now to some degree or another. It may very possibly be that you’d say to yourself, “no, not me”. It may be something you just don’t believe you’d be susceptible to. It’s, also, easily plausible that you’ve never actually even considered it as something present in your experience.

Mental health; I say this unequivocally, we’ve all battled this.

Mental health and well-being is no longer a foreign concept to the general public. At the same time, it’s certainly not thrown into the conversation with regularity as many other of life’s challenges are. The idea of mental health is still largely perceived as an “I know someone that’s gone through some pretty tough issues but not me” type of thing.

That’s an expired paradigm that we need to shift.

Mental health is not anything that fits into a fixed parameter of definition. It’s a bunch of different things for a bunch of different people. It’s something that may affect one person that another shrugs off. It’s something that will elicit a certain response or emotion in one person whereby educe an entirely different reaction in another. It’s something that a person may be entirely cognizant to recognize within themselves or may go entirely neglected by another person. And, therein lies the immense challenge with mental health and well-being; it does not have one identity, it has seven billion.

We’ve all experienced mental challenge. I would vehemently argue that a person who struggles with confidence, who has a diminished sense of self worth, who feels unaccepted, who is challenged with receiving Love from others as well as Loving themselves, is not in a thriving place of mental health and well-being. Those who we typically deem to suffer from mental challenges are not reserved by the ability for clinical diagnosis. Just because there isn’t a fancy name from a text book to call what you’re battling, that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t be caring about you; that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t be helping you.

When we face the mental struggles that are a product of our perception of self, we usually just call this “life”. We’re having a few bad days or work is overly stressful or maybe we even feel a bit lost overall. And, we rely upon someone close to listen to us, to dry our tears or to hold us while we bide our time for it to pass, probably accompanied by a false “I’ll be fine” or a sweep under the proverbial rug.

Yes, there are individuals that suffer greatly from complex mental and emotional challenges that require psychological and medical attention and therapy by those that can provide it. But, for most of us, the mental and emotional challenges we face are just what’s happened to us in life; but, it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the same.

Enough credibility toward how mentally and emotionally damaging “life” can be is not often given. But, it is very true and very real. An abusive relationship, a traumatic childhood experience, a continuing stressful environment, financial difficulties, social anxiety, occupational malcontent; the list could literally go on forever. These are all very common “life” experiences that impact our mental well-being immensely. Yet, because we don’t affix anything out of the ordinary toward these influences, we believe that we should navigate them as a part of our path through life. And, often, the pressures build, unaddressed, to a point where we find ourselves in a place that we have no solution to come back from.

Do not be lenient on the effect that “life” can have on your mental health. Do not push through with neglect toward your well-being. Listen to your Heart when you ask if you really are ok.

Rely upon other people. Reach out to family members, close friends, anyone you feel comfortable with. To speak, to listen, to know that you are not alone and that someone cares; because someone does care. And, if that distance of dependency and reliance is too close, there are individuals that devote their careers to helping others. There are numerous resources to turn to find the right kind of help for you.

Be accepting and forgiving of who you are. Allow yourself to know that mental and emotional challenges are not solved by pride or avoidance. Be compassionate toward yourself and others. There is nothing to judge other than how much Love you or someone else needs.

Mental health and well-being is something that no one is immune to. I know it’s not anything that a person should or could try to manage alone. I’ve relied upon special people in my life, counselling and online resources to help me understand what I could not on my own or pick me up when my own strength wasn’t enough. None of us are ever alone.

Be Love.

To learn more about mental health and well-being check out

https://www.betterhelp.com/start/

and

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/

 

713 words and I may have not said a thing

Want to know what’s probably the most difficult thing in the world to do? Not even “probably”, come to think of it; it has to be the most difficult, actually. And, not because ‘it’ per se is difficult, it’s because everything else makes it difficult. Everything else around ‘it’ that’s not ‘it’ makes it difficult.

Want to know what’s the most difficult thing in the world to do?

Trust your Heart.

It was never meant to be, but it is. And, believe me, if I could explain exactly why, I’d be the first person I’d try to explain it to.

Our Heart is real, yet so much that is around us, is not. That’s not to say it’s good or bad, one way or another, it’s just not….real. Or, perhaps, not as real. And, I think that something we all desire to be, however deep down we’ve repressed it, is to be who we really are; to be real.

Sometimes, on occasion, I sit down in front of this keyboard and I know what I want to come out, but I don’t know how to get there. I search for the words, but stumble. I seek for the appropriate metaphor, but nothing. I try to relate or illustrate the idea by example, but come up empty. It doesn’t seem of merit enough to simply tell yourself or anyone else, “because that’s what’s in my Heart”. It’s a reason, but it’s not really a reason.

Perhaps that’s why it can be difficult to trust our Heart? Perhaps those instances whereby we can’t tangibly communicate what’s in there makes it seems the opposite of real, when it couldn’t be more? Maybe because we can’t translate a feeling into something of a lesser medium of communication, maybe it makes it seem as though we’re working from nothing more than a whim? And, a whim is the last thing anyone would ever want to trust.

Or, maybe fear has a lot to do with it? Maybe it’s because we’d trusted our Heart once, or twice, or three times and we were hurt? Maybe we trusted our Heart and were taken advantage of or cheated or abused? That would probably do it. That would probably, whether voluntary or not, condition our subconscious to abandon turning to the Heart for guidance.

And, you know, in turning away from the Heart for guidance, for self Love, we turn to everything that is not our Heart. We turn to the mind, we turn to what others think, we turn to what we should think, we turn to what others have done. We turn to all the things that can and will never be as real as our Heart. We turn to what we think is “best” as opposed to what the Heart knows is best.

I don’t think trusting your Heart means everything is going to be amazing. But, I think trusting our Heart is what makes us amazing.

As I type this, I can’t help but feel I’m saying little to nothing. Little to nothing because this is so much less about how to spell it out and so much more about what it feels like. It’s like looking up at that C-shaped crescent moon in the night sky and believing, trusting, what the universe holds. I’d have no easier of an endeavour putting pen to paper on that one in any overly convincing way other than to say, “you just have to trust the Universe”. I have no taller of soapbox to stand on other than to let myself trust what’s up there; what’s out there. No different than trusting what’s in here (pointing at chest where Heart is).

I trust my Heart. It’s hard to know it sometimes, to hear it sometimes, to listen to it sometimes, but I trust it. I know there’s no one way to do it other than to do it. And, to get up and try again. And, get up and try again. I know we’ve all tried those other things; we’ve tried to trust what our mind thought, what other people thought, what we thought we should have thought, and have still had to mend and rebuild. So, why not trust the one real place Love is?

Trust your Heart.

Be Love.

a mother’s Love

Long before I put ‘pen to paper’ on this, I knew that I would not have the words to express what a mother’s Love is. I knew that as much as I could not have the capacity to find the words that would give even the smallest amount credence to this Love, I am sure that it is, in fact, something that is not capable of being fit into words. It is not anything that can be captured into a static form of expression; not into words, not into a painting, not into song. If it could be, I would not be the one to do it. I could not be the one to do it. And so, this is not about what a mother’s Love is, this is about what it has been, and is, to me.

I am a lucky one. I have a mom to which the inexplicable definition of what a mother’s Love, belongs to. She is a mom who believes her existence to be solely for that of her children. She is here so that my brother and I can be here; is what she would tell you. And, although the expression from which that emanates is not always as poetically fluid as the notion of it suggests; ie, “are you eating enough?”, “are you getting to bed early?” that’s what a mother’s Love sometimes sounds like.

When I was younger, so too was my awareness. She was just, ‘my mom’; the mom I’d always known – giving me flak for staying out too late, for not getting along with my father and for listening to music too loudly. But, my mom has always been her. She has always embodied, in whatever complexion was fitting given the circumstance at the time, what it is to carry the fire of a mother’s Love.

As my path in life took a shape that found me acknowledging the concept of and believing in my own evolution, I realized that there is nothing that will stay the same unless chosen to be that way. This is active evolution; it is not something that just happens as you passively wait but that you must be a participant in. As my awareness grew and my consciousness expanded, so did my emotional quotient. I remember, many many years ago as I was about to move out, people had told me that my relationship would change with my parents. At the time, the infancy of my awareness, I was resistant to believe it because of how it had always been. I would never be ‘friends’ with my parents.

My relationship with my parents did change, more so with my mother than my pops. Which makes a bit of sense; put us four in a line up and you’ll have no trouble seeing that my father largely begat my brother and the majority of my blueprints come from mom. Thankfully, I’ll say too, she’s the better looking one. 🙂

As the years went on, I started speaking more with my mother; not just about what was “going on at work” or “what was new”, but about life. It wasn’t as though everything just one day was out on the table, but things started opening up a bit more (still a work in progress). It was never really part of my consciousness to see behind my mom’s super hero cape that there was a person no different from me; I didn’t have the emotional quotient, once upon a time. As we spoke more, I listened more. It wasn’t so much of what I heard her say; it was what I felt her say. I started to feel how any little thing that brought me down, tore her right down. I started to feel how any time I was stressed out or worn thin, she became an extension of that multiplied by eighteen, wanting nothing more than to take it from me and shoulder the burden herself. I realized that I was blessed with a mother that only needed one thing for her life to feel meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled; that my brother and I had lives that were meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled. And, to this day, she is still the same person that she has always been. Her evolution as a caring, giving, selfless mother was complete a long, long time ago; long before my evolution into this awareness ever began. For that, I am forever grateful. The difference now that I recognize this and I tell her.

My life has also been blessed with a parallel experience; one that I don’t think I could have ever expected – the unexpected, the calling card of the Universe, it seems. 🙂 I was fortunate enough to share a relationship with a woman that is also a mother, at a time where attention to my awareness, consciousness and evolution was ever-present in my life. To have the opportunity to be part of, experience and witness a mother’s Love from this place in a relationship was a greater expansion of my Heart.

It was an experience certainly different than what it is to be mother’s child; the only experience I had ever known. This new experience was being side by side with a partner that embodies this Love. It was the ability to observe it, to learn from it, to grow from it and to participate in it. I witnessed the strength and the beauty, the vulnerability and the pain behind this Love. Again, something I could never have the words, capacity or emotion to communicate; therein which lay the power of it. It would be like trying to explain the magnitude of the Universe; where would you even begin?

I feel fortunate to have had that been a part of my life. I believe it taught me something that would not have been possible had I, myself, also been a parent simultaneously. Of course, there is immense personal growth and evolution in being a parent; very different, as well, between that of a mother and a father. But this part of my life, the connection to that Love, has given me a special piece toward making my Heart bigger. Toward making my Love bigger. And for that, I am forever grateful.

As an ethereal embodiment on this plane of existence, we are all composed of a masculine and feminine energetic harmony within us. As a male physical representation of those masculine and feminine energies, I will never be able to experience, within me, what the Love of a mother is. It is something I can feel and experience inside of my Heart, but from that which is external from me; from that which I’ve tried to narrate with the words here. And, although there are words here, this Love is not about words. It’s not about what it sounds like or what it looks like, it’s exactly about the fire inside that only a mother can illuminate.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Be Love.

connect four….for your heart, your soul, your universe, for Love

Connection.

/kəˈnekSH(ə)n/ 1. a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else. 2. to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind

There was an idea, once upon a time, that I had about connection. That time wasn’t that long ago. But, it was a time, nonetheless, where I’d lived less of life than I have to this point. There goes the passage of time by which your life happens and that by which you happen upon life as time passes by. Connection has changed since the last time I thought I knew something about it. Did I learn? Yes. It is a way to explain it. Did I feel? Entirely. I wish there were the words to explain it.

It seems that connection, the time before now, may have been something I placed into a box. It was a certain something and it achieved a particular whatever it was. I thought I knew what it was all about back then, or maybe I just pretended to. Perhaps I knew a bit of something about it. It was as real then as it is now; that hasn’t changed. But, it seemed more malleable then. It could come and go, ebb and flow, be a yes or a no. I knew less back then. I’d felt less back then.

What I know now is not something I know from knowing, it’s something I know from feeling. It’s something that’s probably bigger than I ever thought it was. That’s not to say I had never thought it was something big, it’s just maybe not like this. And, as I reflect upon all that has been taught to me; all that I’ve awakened to; I wonder why it took me this long to understand something that makes the sense that it does. Perhaps better to be a slow learner than no learner at all? (the answer to that question is always ‘yes’).

There is the connection that resides in this physical plane; the one that comes and goes. It is the connection you may have with many or you may have with few. It’s a connection of commonality, of shared experiences, of voluntary and involuntary interaction and of dependence. It’s a connection you can have with family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and the person you buy your coffee from every morning. This connection is not diminished by its definition and place. It’s a meaningful connection. There is learning in this space. It fills a need for your human-ness. It is an acknowledgement of physical presence, physical being and physical existence. It is a beautifully orchestrated composition of how, regardless of circumstance, position, belief system or demographic, we can find connection in one another.

Then there is a greater connection; a deeper connection. It is not of the same plane as that of the physical connections we experience. It is beyond that. It is not a connection you can or will establish around every corner you turn. And, although you may have known of this connection for forty years, four years or four weeks, your Heart and soul have known it forever. These connections are eternal. They have been created in your Universe and live upon the stars. You will know this connection because it won’t have a definition or an explanation. It will, undoubtedly, have a place within your physical being, as it must. A connection of the Heart and soul will also take space in the physical realm. But, of the connections we make in this place, only very few have residence in our Heart and soul; our Universe.

And so, I revisit my earlier statement; “I wish there were the words to explain it”. Maybe the words are there? Maybe they are the ones that speak about playing cards with your grandmother, or about that friend that can always lift your spirits no matter what? Or, maybe they are the words that speak about how your father would tuck you into his coat when it started raining outside or how your light never feels brighter than when you think of your children? Or, maybe the words are about the person you fall asleep thinking about and wake up with on your mind? Maybe these words are not really words at all but feelings from a bigger place that we want to make sense of? But, we don’t need to make sense of them. They are before us and they will be after us. They are your Heart, your soul, your Universe. There is evolution here. Opening up to the Love, the beauty, the fear and the pain – there is evolution there. Your evolution. The expansion of your greater being into those connections is You.

Be Love.