It looks like this week is story week….

Trying to encourage people to be vulnerable and throw away their instinctual defense mechanism often results in a “you’re crazy” look. Or, the person will just directly say to me, “you’re crazy”. Fair enough.

When I try to explain that changing how you’re treated means changing how you treat others, regardless of what they’ve done or haven’t done to you, I’m usually met with a brick wall of skepticism and impossibility.

And so, I would like to share two stories and will simply leave you with this – just try it. If what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working (which it probably hasn’t), try it. Take a chance and put your Heart on the floor. Maybe it gets stomped on, but maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’ll be your foundation to stand on.

i

Two weeks ago, at my co-ed soccer game, I exchanged a few words with an opposing player; nothing major. He took to complaining about nearly everything and I wanted to reason with the guy, ie get him to shut his yap. As he passed by me, all the while sharing his victimizing grievances (eye roll), I very calmly suggested that he settle down and that nothing really terrible was happening to him. Truthfully, I did tell him he didn’t need to be a “crybaby” about everything, but it was with good intention. Out of nowhere, a very unassuming young lady started tearing strip out of me; insults, language, etc, etc. As I was smiling at her, I just wanted her to let it out. When I asked why I deserved all of those things she said to me, she replied, “well, someone on your team called me ugly”. There was zero hesitation in my Heart; I looked her right in the eyes and said, “I don’t think you’re ugly at all.” My new friend was a deer in headlights.

Not more than a minute later, I received an apology. Truthfully, at that moment, I felt connected with her. And, if it wouldn’t have been totally weird, I would have given her a hug.

ii

Another soccer game, tonight in fact. In the midst of a battle I had for the ball with an opposing player, he happened to come down quite hard on my ankle. Pretty unnecessary by most standards, and I’m pretty sure not exactly unintentional. Once the play had gone down the field, I ran near to him, patted him on the arm and, with no hostility or anger in my voice or face, said, “hey man, take it a bit easier. I don’t need you breaking my ankle”. He arrogantly replied, “that’s soccer”. As I jogged away, kinda wanting to get the last word, I said, “I know. I know. It’s just a bit much, man. It’s all good.” Minutes later, hand extended, my new friend offered an apology. He agreed that what he had done wasn’t necessary and he was sorry. In fact, he and I had a few more run-ins throughout the course of the game, simply due to our competitive nature, and we now would ask each other if the other was okay. Or, we patted each other on the back. Even though we were against each other, we respected the other’s well-being.

Connected, again.

And, that’s how I look at these instances; connections. When we act and respond with anger, revenge and hostility, we get the same. And, we get further apart. When we do our best to use our Heart, we connect. We get closer. And, I tell you for sure, the feeling I get from these results far outweigh the ones I would get when I went toe-to-toe, eye for an eye with someone who wronged me. If you knew me six or seven or eight years ago, you wouldn’t have known this person writing these words. He didn’t exist. Retribution existed. Anger existed. Being right existed. That all doesn’t make sense to me anymore. This does. I can’t control what’s already been done to me. But, I can try to control how I want to respond to it. And, no. We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves. The rest will follow.

The cliché holds true for me, and so I’ll use it. “If I can do it, so can you.”

be Love.

theheartmovementtiny

PS: my dad can still really frustrate the f out of me. But, I’m working on it! Everything takes practice. 🙂