Every time you tell the non-truth, aka lie, you deny who you are. You deny yourself the Love you deserve from you.
To have the courage, commitment and conviction to be honest all the time is no easy task. It’s just inevitable that at some point we’re going to lie. Whether it’s a white lie, a grey one, red, purple; it doesn’t matter. By avoiding the truth, we’re avoiding the truth of our self. And really, is it “inevitable” that we’ll all lie at some point or are we all just agreeing with an idea that we’ve been conditioned to believe? Have we simply accepted that to “successfully” get through life, we’ll all have to lie at some point, or is that just a lie? If a tree falls in the forest but no one is around to hear it, does it….moving on.
Living with honesty, first and foremost, means living honestly with yourself. It means taking ownership over the opinions you have, the decisions you’ve made and letting go of the daily external influences trying to convince us of what we should believe about ourselves.
“Yeah but, Jimmy, some things are just easier to fib about rather than tell the truth and create a conflict or hurt someone’s feelings.” I get that. But, I respectfully counter by saying that cutting corners for the small stuff that doesn’t matter is just going to primer you to be able to cut corners for the big stuff that does matter. And, if those fibs don’t really matter, then why not just tell the truth?
Your truth has nothing to do with anyone else. It has to do with you. It’s being able to understand that you deserve to Love yourself unconditionally. And, it’s being able to understand that those who don’t Love you unconditionally for who you are, is okay.
Recently, I created an opportunity to share something personal with someone. To say I was uncomfortable is a veritable understatement. Every internal negative self-talk reared its ugly head – “I’m a loser”, “this person will think less of me”, “I’m weak.” And, on it went. Regardless, my Heart wouldn’t let me off the hook. It kept telling me that there would be no way for this person to accept me as I am if I didn’t accept myself as I am. If I wasn’t forthright with them, then I wasn’t accepting who I am. I was just lying to myself.
As nervous as I was, there was an excitement I had inside of me. Was I going to look like jerk? Quite possibly. Was I okay with it? I was. I felt like I was going to set a bit of myself free. Even though that was my truth right now, the most encouraging part of it all was that I knew I could change it. We can change anything. But, the change has to happen through us. Whether that’s changing how we think, changing what we know, changing whatever; it’s all within us. We can’t look to the outside for our answer.
Next time you feel like you “need” to lie in a situation, ask yourself from what source are you denying yourself Love and from what source are you looking for Love. The Love which you find and create within yourself will be all that you need to give and receive from others.
be Love.
I wish I could live in a world without any lies, I mean I don’t have lie to others and vice vera. However, sometimes I found people want me to lie about what I thought. This happens quite often in 2 situations: first one, my friends came and “asked for my opinion”, but I know my opinion is not what they want to hear, so to maintain our friendship, I lie and I give what they want and yes at that moment, I was not honest to myself. Second one is :I know I don’t agree with someone and I know I clearly don’t like this person, but I still put on another face to pretend everything is ok because for some reasons I can’t avoid seeing those people in my daily life; this is the worst situation because not only I am not honest to myself, but I am also torturing myself at my loss. I have been fighting to be myself and be honest to myself as myself is the first person that I don’t want to lie about. So, sometimes, I try to give an attitude to let those people know that there was something wrong and I am not comfortable with it. However, humans are complicated and so does our relationships. We are not living in a perfect world and we always have to deal with people we don’t like, for example, co-workers and worst scenario, families (someone that we can’t choose or replace). Another situation is I have to give the answer what the society would accept, the answer that most people would accept, the answer that is considered as “right” only for now; but that answer is not necessary what I really thought, or what I really come to my heart. We say that everyone has the right to have their own opinions and say it loud, but really? Anyways, it is easy to say “I want to be myself and be honest”, but the world is so harsh sometimes that you have to lie to live. But I agree, lying is not good at all, and we have to make sure we have the cacacity to accept the consequence as a result of lying. Lying is not just hurt other people, it will get back to us and we may lose someone or something because of it and may never get them back.
You can live in a world without lies. Your world is your world. Your reality is your reality.
Choosing honesty is an acceptance of ourselves.
I believe that first understanding the situation at hand can help you with your response to your friend. Before offering your opinion to your friend, ask them if they sincerely want your honest answer or if they are looking for support. Often, we just look for support from others and want them to agree with us. If your friend just needs this support, try your best to do so while remaining honest to yourself. Try to find something you may agree with them but don’t be scared to also say you don’t necessarily feel 100% the same as they do. Help them understand that you are there for them regardless of a differing of opinions but that you also are true to yourself. It’s okay for friends to disagree.
If they wish for you to be completely honest, then do so. But, be as gentle as you can. Honesty through a judgmental and critical voice sends a message that “I’m right and you’re wrong”. There is no right or wrong. Help your friend understand why you think the way you do. In turn, try to understand why they think the way they do. Relationships can be tricky, but a person that would compromise your friendship because you don’t agree with them all the time is not a person that is accepting of who you are. As much as that person and their opinion is important, you are equally as important. Help each other to understand why you feel the way you do. When you are faced with a similar situation again, keep as positive as you can. Be accepting of yourself and your friend will also begin to be accepting of you.
I believe you have the power to be successful in your second situation. Your desire to change these relationships shows that you have the Heart to do so. We need to draw upon our compassion and inner strength. Understand that the actions of these people towards you is not personal to you. It may feel very much like it is, but it is not. When we respond to a situation or a relationship, we do so because of the feelings and emotions in ourselves that are driving us; often because we lack something. Try to see what this person needs; try to see why they need help. Often, our negative responses are a call for help. Before you meet or see this person, silently bless them with positive energy. It may seem difficult to do this, but remind yourself that it will also be for your benefit. Set your own positive energy in your Heart. If you feel the need to send them an attitude that something is wrong, I would suggest simply speaking with this person. Again, it is okay to share your opinion in an open and nonjudgmental way. I did this not too long ago with a family member and was met with a lot of success. Instead of telling this person of all the things I thought they were doing “wrong” that was affecting me, I just shared how I felt and my desire to want to have a positive relationship with them. I was actually very surprised with the response I received from my honesty and things have moved in a positive direction ever since.
If it’s someone you are not yet comfortable being fully honest with, as I suggested earlier, try to silently, in your Heart, offer them positive energy. Try to think that they have their own internal struggles and they, for whatever reason, push those on to you. Try to help them but also recognize if you are in a negative environment for yourself and it may not be the right time. Above all, I assure you that being softer and more open will help you to experience less negative emotion rather than allowing this person to bring you down. Try to show yourself Love for who you are and others will begin to show you the same Love.
To address your final point, I will give you an experience in my own life – this website. I’ve had people make negative comments and share their opinion about this website. It’s not important to restate the comments, but what is important is understanding that they are opinions and again, not personal to me. This website is my true self and I’m okay with that. If someone else is not, that’s okay, too. I know that my views and ideas won’t be accepted by everyone. But, I accept that and stand by this website being a true reflection of my Heart. You always have the choice to be your true self and share your opinion. You never have to give the answer society would accept. Give the answer that you accept but send that answer from your Heart. If it comes from your Heart, it will not have judgement or negativity attached to it. Even if it is not accepted by “society” you will be able to feel confident and accepting of yourself that you followed your Heart. Accepting yourself and your Heart is the first step to being okay with how you are accepted by others. If living through your Heart results in a loss to you, as you mentioned, I am confident that it was meant to be this way. I understand that idea does not make it easier to do so, but it is something I am becoming more comfortable with every day that passes. I hope that you can be, too. Your Heart will only bring you what you need. Sometimes it cloaks itself in darkness, but behind all darkness is the light.
Thank you very very much for sharing your thoughts and opinions. I wish you great success in being yourself!
be Love.
The degree of how honest do we want to be sometimes depends on how we have been brought up and the culture that has influenced has. I am from a culture where people and relationship are very complicated. However, having been living in Canada in the past 12 years, I have changed a lot. The biggest change is how I look at myself and what kind of person I want to be. Being honest makes our life easier and happier. Lying is a self-torture because we are always worried when we will be caught. Lies also take time and energy to make, so the conclusion is stop lying and being honest. Then everything will be fine. Just my 2 cents.
We can most certainly be a product of our environment. But, when we start to ask those tough questions as to who we are, who we want to be and what life we want for ourselves, honesty will become a prerequisite. Honesty is a reflection of your true self. It says that you are willing to accept who you truly are; it’s how we access our self-Love.
I’ve really made great efforts of putting this into practice in the last 6 months and moving forward. Although, I’ve put myself in some uncomfortable situations, it’s made me feel better than had I not been fully honest. I’ve definitely found a place in being my true, authentic self. I know you will be, also. Be confident in who you are. 🙂
be Love.