There’s a bit of cosmic wisdom floating about hypothesizing that you are, more or less, the average of the five people you interact with most. Whether it’s family, your partner, a friend or a co-worker, it’s the five people you spend time with, seek advice from, cultivate ideas together, go to help for, share your personal life with and all the things in between. In effect, your human environment.
As malleable beings, we are shaped by our surroundings be it physical, emotional, mental or ethereal. If you’re outside in the dead of winter without a coat, you’ll probably get cold. If you’re at the library picking out a book to read, you’ll probably be more quiet than if you were picking strawberries. If you’re at rock concert, you’ll probably be jumping around or, at the least, tapping your foot. If you’re attending a funeral service, your mood will most likely be sombre and earnest. And, if you’re meditating with a bunch of like-minded people, you’ll probably feel a higher energy than if you were alone in your dining room.
We are, on varying levels of influence, readily conditioned, driven by emotion and subconsciously patterned in our own thinking and responses to the various experiences and connections we encounter in our lives. That is to say, sometimes we know exactly what a situation or how a person influences and impacts us and sometimes we have no clue.
And so, what does it all mean? Think of the five people you’ve drawn yourself closest to or have drawn themselves closest to you. Who are they to you? What do they stand for? What do they believe in? What do they aspire toward whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? And, the biggest question of them all; are those people a reflection of who you really feel you are or want to be? Think law of attraction stuff here.
It goes without saying that we all feel a need for acceptance. We feel a need for validation. We feel a need for connection. And, ultimately, we feel a need for Love. These are largely the motivation behind the relationships we seek and maintain.
The “five people” hypothesis doesn’t definitively dictate that we are exactly who we share our time with. But, the idea has more than enough merit to garner sincere consideration. Let’s say you’re a regularly active person. Who is the most likely to give you that extra push toward a workout on a sluggish day; a partner that also stays physically active or a Netflix binge watcher? Is your closest friend at work a chronic complainer with no desire to find actual solutions? Do their qualms “encourage” you chip in your own two cents because either, they’ve triggered something in your own mind that frustrated you or you want to offer your friend a feeling of acceptance that they’re not alone? At the least, you may just sit there in silence and absorb their negativity. And really, does any of that sound constructive for you?
What about your social circle? Do they just slander whichever friends couldn’t make it that night or act obnoxious and just wait for one person to stop talking so the next person can? Do they rant about their husbands or their wives? It happens. Probably more often than anyone would like to acknowledge. Those environments fuel our conscious and our subconscious regardless of how much individual fortitude we believe we possess.
I think of my own social activities. I like to have a beer or two and talk about sports with the guys. But, I like speaking about the Universe more. I like speaking with people that like it, too. The people that have open hearts to share about what they’re going through in life; their challenges, their triumphs, the thought provoking ideas that pop into their heads. So, I hang out with those people more. I still go for beers and sports, but I go for the Universe stuff more.
I like spending time with people that hug hello and hug goodbye. I like spending time with people that look to communication as a way to help themselves through tough times or as a method of coping with the things they can’t figure out on their own. I like hanging out with people that partake in alcohol, or the like, to have fun, not to escape life. And, I like to hang out with people that kindly and compassionately, but firmly, call me out when I need to be called out.
In no way is this an edict (not that I have any authority) to abandon all the people you have in your life that complain or don’t exercise or haven’t ever meditated or like to drink beer. But, what balance do you have in your relationships? Are you growing more than you’re regressing? Does it feel like you’re standing still? Do you have the support and encouragement you really need? Do you really have people that want to see you thrive and want to shine with you or just passers-by on your highway of life? There’s a constructive way about all of the aforementioned. But, the thing is that in this instance, it’s definitely a “it takes two to tango” thing.
And so, maybe there’s some distance you need to create between yourself and some people and some distances you should shorten? Maybe there are some tough conversations you need to have with the people you really want in your life and the people you don’t want in your life? Maybe you need a different place to work with people searching for solutions or to join a different softball team with people most interested in just having fun? You have the ability to orchestrate your environment as a product of who you aspire to be rather than be the product of your environment. But, it takes awareness. It takes courage. And, it takes the support of the right people for you.
That, is self Love.
Be Love.
