Invulnerability.
No. No thanks. Not for me.
So, you think you’re doing pretty good; making forward progress. And, you are. You’re doing great. You ARE making progress; maybe even feeling a bit proud of yourself. But then….the Universe says, “not so fast, guy”, stomach punch, take a knee.
My week past had a resounding theme to it, vulnerability. It’d been a long time since I’d had a week where a particular message just gets pounded into you everywhere you turn. At first, you think you notice something but aren’t really exactly sure. It happens again and gets a bit more of your attention. Still not sure, though. Then, the Universe starts getting a teensy bit impatient with your astute ability at being obtuse and kicks you in the shin. “Third time’s a charm”, right? Now you’ve noticed; the tidal wave hits. It was vulnerability.
I got the picture that I hadn’t delved into vulnerability as intimately as I thought I had. Sure, I’d read about it, I’d YouTubed it, even had some conversations about it. But, the more I thought about it, the more I think I realized I never really got any deeper into it. The message was that it was time that I did.
I let my awareness do the work simply by asking for it to come to me. I hadn’t been aware of not being aware of it until now; if that makes sense? And, I’ll admit, I gave myself a decent sized headshake when I finally received some insight I hadn’t known before. The “of course, I should of known that” headshake (even though I know it’s ok that I didn’t know it at the time). In truth, I’d thought I was pretty good at being vulnerable. I’m not shy to tell people I believe in Love; I could care less about having watery eyes watching The Little Prince; and I don’t hold back sharing my feelings. But, that’s just it; I’m not scared of any of those things. I’m not scared of those parts. And, that’s why I thought I was getting pretty good at it. You know what that really is, though? That’s getting comfortable. The Universe doesn’t mind if you get comfortable for a little while, but it doesn’t want you staying there for too long. There’s bigger things to be done.
And so, I thought….I thought about what vulnerability is to me, and….vulnerability is the capacity to be open and honest with what’s in your Heart without the fear of reaction, response, reprisal or consequence. The stuff I just spoke about; those were things that I may have once been vulnerable toward, but I wasn’t anymore. There was nothing I was scared of in those situations. I grew into those things. This past week, the Universe was telling me I need to keep growing.
Being truly vulnerable is not easy. It is really tough, actually. It’s not only facing your fear of what may (or may not) come back at you as a result of your openness, but it’s exposing your personal self. When you’re really at the core of who are, there’s a tonne of stuff there. There’s Love and happiness and pain and anguish, joy and hope and depression and despair. And, you’re deciding to share it not knowing what awaits. How could you not be scared? It’s all the stuff that’s down in there that the mind tells us we should be scared of because of what we can potentially lose by letting it out. But, the only thing we really lose when we let it out is the prison it’s trapped in. We free our Heart.
That’s not even to mention how badly you could just screw it up, too. You may not say something the way you intended. Or, do something the way you had planned it out in your head. Or, you just simply forget to say or do something because you’re in the middle of a hurricane of emotion and fear. But, it’s all ok. Vulnerability is accepting that you will be in this position. You know who gets to worry about the stuff that it seems you didn’t do “right”? The Universe. The Universe makes it right for you because that’s how it supports you when you offer your true, sincere self. You do your part, It does its. Nothing ever worth it was easy.
So, do I want to be invulnerable? No. I want to feel all of it. I want to grow from the pain and get bigger with the Love. You can’t have one side of it without the other. It will get you where you need to be. It will get you to a place where the Love in your Heart blankets everything else. It won’t stop the bad stuff, the tough times or the hardships; but, it covers it, brings it close and says, “I’ll take care of this. You’ll be ok”.
“When you’re vulnerable and freaked out, it’s so easy to end something. To actually lean in in those moments and do the work is going to be scary, it’s going to be challenging. But all you have to do is start. And you should expect that it’s challenging and you should love that it’s challenging, because then you’ll appreciate it” – Mark Groves
Be Love.
