“the most intimate thing we can do is to allow people we love most to see us at our worst. At our lowest. At our weakest. True intimacy happens when nothing is perfect”. Amy Harmon
Intimacy, for many, conjures up thoughts of the physicality between two people. The admittance we grant to another person to be close to us in sensory perception form. To share a “human being” experience.
For some, a more personal intimacy represents the plane in a relationship whereby the closeness of the individualities of each person has created, in a manner of speaking, a conjunctive reflection of both into one; a fostering of openness and connection.
And, for fewer still, a greater depth of intimacy will be ultimately realized in its entirety upon that moment that they fully reveal themselves, as aptly quoted, “….to allow people we love most to see us at our worst”; to share a “being human” experience – the most vulnerable act of openness and connection.
Of the three, this is always the last one to show itself. If it shows itself at all.
It makes sense that it’s the last one. It’s the toughest. It’s the most personal. It’s usually the final piece of our own intimacy puzzle.
When we share a physical experience with someone, it’s a two-person endeavor. There is, of course, intimacy involved, but it’s of a different nature. As counterintuitive as it may seem, this intimacy is not as personal as one may think. Why? Because it’s mutually shared. It’s happening at the same time and both are doing the same thing. No one person is really in the spotlight. And, although I do strongly believe there is a great intimacy and connection shared within the physical nature of a relationship, it seems that more and more have very limited regard for what means to share that with another person. It’s, sorta, just the way things are. Sleep with you now, get to know you know you later. Maybe.
Another level of intimacy reached within a relationship is that of familiarity and of fluency. It taps into that space beyond the physical (if there is a physical relationship; most relationships are not physical) and an introductory level of mental and emotional common ground. There is more here. There is an intertwining of each person from a more pervasive perspective. It’s a reciprocal embrace of another individual; acceptance of who they are on a deeper level. A product of time, respect, desire to connect, foster growth and to, simply, cultivate a relationship. Maybe even Love. It’s when each person has made the choice to place a personal investment in the other, together. It is the basis of meaningful relationship, or if romantically involved, to find that ‘someone’.
There is still a heightened intimacy beyond this. Past shared physical experience, past mental investment, past the building of a relationship. It comes subsequent to the sharing of those intimacies. This intimacy comes as a product of vulnerability, safety, trust and a Love at a deeper level; different from the others. When physical intimacy is shared, it is shared together. When relationship intimacy is shared, it is shared together. When the intimacy of vulnerability and trust, in the form of personal internal emotion is shared, it is often done so by one and received by the other; a given gift. It’s when we let the other see us fully and completely.
This gift is when we are at our most intimate. We are actively giving ourselves from within, to be received but not reciprocated. We attempt to allow another person to experience a fragment of what we are experiencing ourselves with the trust and confidence that there is compassion waiting for us on the other side. That there is understanding and empathy. That, not only will we be Loved, but Loved more.
This intimacy is courageous. It is not the happy-go-lucky parts of a relationship. It is a person saying, “this is all of me. This is everything about me that you cannot see. I trust you”. When this intimacy touches a person, it is one of the most realest experiences of true connection. It is a person wanting to release everything about them; everything that they carry inside. I do mean that this offering is truly a gift. Think of what you hold most closely inside whether it be Love or the toughest personal challenge. Each of which we only share when our Heart has made the choice.
Give your Heart to this intimacy both as the one offering it and as the one receiving it. Understand it for what it is. Be grateful for what it is. And, Love more because of it.
Be Love.
