Compromise.
Another, non-four-letter, “four-letter” word. Commitment, forgiveness, doing the laundry, compromise – might as well get the soap.
It’s a bit of a hand-in-hand idea, compromise; want to have a “successful” relationship? Compromise! Definitely not an inaccurate theory but it can certainly be a murky one.
Compromise gets guys to go to the ballet, it coerces women to watch sports, without it you may never see your in-laws and, ultimately, it helps us all soften up a little bit.
Where compromise gets problematic is when it vaults the line of stubbornness and asks a person to question who they really believe themselves to be. It’s when compromise can start looking more like a defeat. And, it’s the spot when you abandon what your Heart says for what someone else’s ego dictates.
Compromise can introduce a new idea, a first-time experience, create a bit of happiness and even to keep some peace, we’ll often let compromise rule. There are times where compromise helps us in changing or forming an opinion. It can be a teacher on the path to learning more about ourselves and the people around us.
But, there’s a spot just on the other side of compromise that gets to be treacherous territory; it’s where we no longer compromise to expand our life experience or do something in hopes of a smile, it’s when fear pushes us there. It’s where we give up something of ourselves so as not to lose something not of ourselves. And, the compromise no longer comes in the form of whatever it is outside of us, but the compromise becomes us.
Making our parents proud, trying to work through a relationship, not cheesing off your boss; all things that can fall into compromise. When we fear the disapproval, or the loss of our partner or maybe even becoming unemployed, compromise becomes maladaptive. It’s a negative response to a negative position – and, it results in you, not being you.
It’s even as insignificant as not wearing your most favourite tacky sweater because you don’t want people to make fun of your most favourite tacky sweater. You don’t need to change who you are because it doesn’t fit with where you are. The real truth is that, where you are doesn’t fit with who you are.
The trouble is that the fear we feel clouds what we’re really trying to learn – and that is, that there’s a disharmony between your true self and wherever you’re trying to fit in with whoever you’re trying to fit in with. Some stuff, yes, you may just have to swallow. I know it’s just not that easy to tell your supervisor to suck a rock and peace out on the whole operation. But, it should also be the catalyst to recognize the disharmony.
The point is to recognize whether you’re in a compromise of a situation or a compromise of your Self. It’s to identify those instances that where you are doesn’t fit with who you are. And, it’s not to abandon what you believe, stand for, or Love, it’s just to find a better place for it.
Be Love.
