It can be the ultimate deception. It can be a justifier. It can be what keeps you hanging on;
“I love you”
Three words can that be spoken with the utmost impact or absolute frivolity.
We’ve all experienced this at one point or another; an “I love you” that kinda didn’t make us feel the way it should. It seems odd or out of place to question such a thing, but we probably don’t do it enough. And, we certainly don’t confront it enough whether that be as the giver or the receiver. We might not readily believe“I love you” could be a phrase that would be hidden behind given the stature of its meaning, but it happens. All the time.
“I love you” is an easy security blanket. With the conscious choice to use it as such, it’s a “fall back” crutch, so to speak. That may not always be the purposeful intention behind it, but does it really matter all that much? If we’re not thinking about why we’re saying, or hearing, the words “I love you”, then what are we thinking about?
Love has become an emotion conveyed that is neither synonymous with kindness nor compassion. It’s become something we offer and accept without authentic personal investment.
Think of if you’ve ever had an emotionally or physically abusive episode with a partner, but reminded yourself, or them, of the “love” you share. Think of if you’ve ever excessively reprimanded your child with the justification that it was because you “love them so much” and it’s for their “own good”. Think of if you’ve had a family relationship in which someone has been taken advantage of but had it swept under the rug because the nature of that relationship makes it okay. We “love” our family no matter what, right?
Actions speak louder than words.
But, when one of those words is “love”, it often drowns out everything else we should be hearing (and seeing). It’s the reason why destructive partner relationships continue; why animosity and resentment cultivate in our homes; and, why we feel empty even though it seems that we’re filled with “love”.
I’m not saying that every time you use the word “love” you compose a sonnet or, when you hear those words offered to you, you demand them in the form of an origami swan. Things don’t have to be so serious. But, what I am saying, or asking, is that, are we really thinking about both our words and our actions? Are we supporting each of those with the other? Similarly, it’s not our job to make someone else accountable for how they choose to live their life, but we can definitely start to make ourselves accountable for the Love we receive.
The fix, in my mind, is easy on this one. Keep offering all the Love you can; keep receiving all the Love you get. Just back it up. Understand where that “love” is coming from. Create that authentic personal investment, not only in the words, but equally as important, in the actions, intention and feeling behind it. Don’t let your mouth write a cheque your Heart can’t cash.
Be Love.
