How many cheeks do you have to turn for it to be enough?

If “being Love” is your endgame, the answer is probably, “as many as it takes”.

At t[h]m, we focus on us. We do that because you really only have the ability to change one person, you. Change is a choice and making that choice for someone else is not our job. We can inspire, influence and encourage others but, their change in is their own hands.

That all being said, sometimes, when it comes to our own personal change, we do have zero in on others. Especially, when it comes to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a big deal. It releases your mind from the agony of how someone wronged you, it opens your heart by creating strength from vulnerability and, very simply, it frees your soul.

In most instances, I don’t think we can just snap our fingers and “poof”, we forgive everybody. Maybe it should be like that, but until we reach that level of unconditional Love and compassion for every person we cross paths with, forgiveness is going to be a strong internal debate. “Should I forgive this person?” “Do they deserve my forgiveness?” “What if they wrong me, again?” “Can I give them my Love?” Yes, yes, it doesn’t matter and yes, are your answers, by the way. 🙂

In the absence of being Jesus, Buddha or Gandhi, we need tools for forgiveness. We needs ways and reminders and reasons why we should forgive whether it’s once, twice or forty-one times. How do we fill up our tool chest (no coincidence your Heart is your chest, too)?

  1. Don’t take things personally – the second you start taking something personally is the second you start allowing guilt, blame, fault and a reason not to forgive to creep into your mind. Tell yourself that this person’s action is because of their response to a situation. They are in control of their responses and their behaviours. Regardless of how much they point the finger at you, they have the choice to externalize what it is that’s inside of them. You can’t and don’t make anyone do anything.

 

  1. Understand – although it can appear that the person is choosing to wrong or hurt you, no one is truly a bad person. I don’t believe anyone really has a bad heart and feels their true purpose is to watch the world burn. There is always a motivation driving us, be it something we can readily identify or something deep within the subconscious. In fact, understanding why someone did something is really irrelevant in comparison to just understanding that there is a “why”. By knowing there’s a “why”, it helps us with not taking things personally and it lets us know there is cause to the effect. As humans, we’re naturally predisposed to wanting reason. Undoubtedly, at one point or another, we’ve all felt undeserving, unloved, unworthy, powerless, helpless, the list goes on. How we decide to regain this assurance in ourselves is reflected in how we treat others. Understand that as much as it may seem like this person is a class A jerk, they are truly struggling with something of their own. They are lacking something that they are trying to find. And, their perspective on their situation is probably not the same as yours. Try to understand this person and where they are coming from. But, truly, above anything, just understand that this person needs help. They need your Love.

 

  1. Let it go – this is where you come in. You can choose to carry the burden of resentment with you, or you can choose to get it off your shoulders. The more you focus on how you’ve been hurt, the bigger it will be. Letting go doesn’t make you a pushover or give the other person the win, it’s just the opposite. It empowers you by accepting the opportunity to grow. You can know that whatever it is you’re enduring is an opportunity in life to be Love. The universe will never give you something you don’t need at that particular moment. Let go of labelling it as “bad” and latch on to knowing that you’re where you are because you need to be there; because you need to learn something.

 

  1. Be a goldfish – have a short memory. Our whole lives are an exercise in forgiveness. Until our eyes and Heart see everything through unconditional Love and compassion, we’re always going to be given an opportunity to forgive. Set the scoreboard back to zero each time. Keeping track of how many chances you’ve given someone or how many people you’ve let off the hook is just going to build that bitterness inside of you. Treat each instance as the first. Everyday, reset your excitement in finding the opportunity to be Love.

 

  1. Don’t be a doormat – just because we want to offer forgiveness, it doesn’t mean we need to put ourselves in the line of fire. Put your Heart in a place of forgiveness but get invested in making a change. Help yourself improve that situation; offer your support to that person in helping them get through whatever they’re struggling with, get yourself out of there, or just treat yourself to an ice cream. Whatever you can do to make your life better, do it. But, do it from a place of Love.

How you open yourself up to forgiveness is really going to be a product of what resonates and makes the most sense with you. Ultimately, remind yourself that you can’t change what’s happenED but you can change what’s happenING. Forgiveness helps us clear the fog from our Hearts and our heads and lets us understand that there’s always an opportunity to be the better version of you. The version you are meant to be.

be Love.

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