This past weekend, engaged in conversation, I asked a question to a friend of mine for which I had already had the answer in my head. The question was about me, the answer was about me; it was one of those, sorta, rhetorical type questions. When my friend responded by saying, “because you chose it that way”, I was like, “shit, you’re right”. I just had to stand there for second processing the answer I just heard; it wasn’t the answer I was expecting because it wasn’t the answer I had. And, I was sure the answer I had was right.
It wasn’t.
This is a graph I’ve drawn before. The red line is me. The gray line is absolutely everything else. Like, everything – my job, the people around me, how much money I have, the weather, how I look, the state of affairs of the world – everything. For the most part, the gray line doesn’t really much change on a day to day basis. Sure, maybe things ebb and flow a bit here and there, maybe your bank account is a little bigger on payday than gets a little smaller on mortgage day, maybe you get a zit right on your forehead or maybe one of your friends is being an arse. Heck, maybe you’re the arse! Regardless, “everything” usually stays pretty static.
Now, the red line; the red line changes. It’s always changing. It’s up, it’s down, it’s elated, it’s disgruntled, it’s content, it’s confused, it’s peaceful, it’s angry, it’s jubilant and it’s downtrodden. It can be a volatile line.
Here’s the thing; the red line has nothing to do with the gray line. They are not correlated, as they say in Science. But, we really really really think they are. We’ve convinced ourselves that the red line has everything to do with what the gray line is doing. See how the graph shows it can’t be possible? (Good ol’ Science).
There’s two reasons (at least!) why we like the idea that the gray line dictates the red line.
1 – it’s easy and
2 – it shirks responsibility
It’s easy – this one walks into the second one. When you can pass the buck on something or to someone else about how you’ve responded or reacted or how you feel, it’s easy. It doesn’t trigger you to think any deeper about your own actions or state of well-being. You’re able to reach the conclusion that outside forces influenced your current position and had those forces not occurred or been present or met your expectations, you would feel different. Presumably, better.
It’s shirks responsibility – the natural follow up to “it’s easy”. We all kinda want small doses of responsibility. Managing a bit of responsibility is less of a strain than an elephant on your shoulders. Especially, when we can use it to dodge ourselves and what we really feel inside, ie being an arse, and point all eight fingers in directions not towards ourselves.
You’re in charge of your red line, ergo, “because you chose it that way”. Does that mean from this moment forward, for all intents and purposes, your line should continually climb to the heavens? No. But, it’s another reminder that you really do possess ownership of how much happiness you want to experience; how much Love you want to be. It’s all right there for the taking and for the giving. The gray line will always be there; it’s never going to change. The red one is the one you get to draw.
Be Love.
