Self-worth.
When I had initially thought this through, it seemed like I had it sorted out. Not that I was proficient in the practice of self-worth, but that I understood what it meant. My theory seemed “right” because the sense it made had a certain definitive logic to it. And certainly, logic can be a barometer for much in life. If you were a machine, logic would be your answer probably nine times out of nine. If you were based upon a series of algorithms or math equations, physics laws and theories of thermodynamics. Yes. Logic is your horse. But, you’re not a machine.
My original thoughts on this were an outline about how to measure self-worth. Of course, it wasn’t about what you owned or where you lived; nothing to do with how much money you had. I thought, albeit for more than a few moments, it was all about how you treated yourself; exercise, rest, meaningful relationships, fun, even, contradictory to a sentence ago, buying or doing something nice for you – all paramount to achieving and believing in self-worth. But, you know, it’s just physical stuff. Physical stuff for your physical self. It’s real, but it’s not really real. And, it keeps us, unfortunately, busy.
I don’t dismiss taking care of your physical self. Feel good about it. Do whatever you can. Buy yourself everything, if it suits you. But, it’s not self-worth. Treating yourself well is not self-worth; it’s just….treating yourself well. Good things only make us feel worthy when we have the good things. So, what about when we have the good things, but don’t feel good? There’s the “logic” of logic falling apart right in front of you. The challenge with “good things” is that when we don’t have access to them or experience them regularly, we don’t believe we deserve them. And, when you don’t believe you deserve something, you can’t believe you’re worth anything.
And so, the real challenge isn’t capturing the “good things”, it’s to not fall victim to the belief in “good things”. You can wear any mask you like; but it’s still always going to be you under it.
180°
My initial theory on self-worth couldn’t be “right” because it couldn’t be universally applied and find consistency in its results. Not everyone has access to “good things”. There are those who live impoverished, malnourished and barely able to make it by on a physical level. There is no possible circumstance that I can believe those parameters are what define a person’s ceiling on self-worth. We’re all the same, regardless of what brand of shoes we wear, or if we’re even wearing any at all.
So, what stays consistent no matter what corner of the universe our star is in.
Love.
Treating yourself well isn’t self-worth, Loving your Self well is self-worth.
Here’s the part where you don’t get your money’s worth (or maybe you do; reading this is free, I guess); I don’t know how you attain self-worth. I know it’s inside of you. I know you probably have to fake it til you make it. I know, for sure, it’s not any of that stuff that keeps us busy. But, I don’t know how you get there. You don’t know how I get there, either. It’s not that you have to do any of this alone, but you have to do it inside of you. You have to be the one that wakes up and says, “I Love myself”. You have to be the one that meditates every morning. You have to be the one that feels like a tree in the forest. You have to be the one that hears the silence of the night on your front step as though you were sitting in the middle of the universe.
This was never meant to offer what self-worth is, it was to offer what self-worth isn’t. It was to say that I believe there is nothing that defines your apex of worth except the physical mind. The part of you, for whatever reason, that needs you to stay grounded in the physical for fear of abandonment. You can leave it behind – it needs you more than you need it.
Be Love.
