Last Thursday, something happened on the bus.
Okay. It really all happened in my head. But, it’s all the same, right? What really is real, anyway? 😉
Each morning I take the bus to work, I try to meditate. Meditation can be a million different things for a million different people. On the bus ride to work, for me, it’s stillness of my mind; almost sleeping, but not. Keeping still, feeling the air in my lungs, hearing the sounds around me, but not listening to them.
Thursday morning, I was listening. My eyes were closed; mindfully, I was getting to where I needed to be. The bus made its next scheduled stop, picking up its next scheduled passengers. Little did I know, this stop was the stop with the guy who didn’t have an inside voice. I’m sure he meant no annoyance to anyone and probably wasn’t really aware that he spoke louder than Samuel L. Jackson, but there he was. The guy whose dial is always set on 11.
I kept my eyes closed. I told myself it wasn’t anything I couldn’t overcome. My peace is louder than his war. It wasn’t working. The more I tried, the louder it got. I wanted it to stop, but each time there was a break in his conversation, I sat there waiting for his next word. I wasn’t really attracting calm; I was beckoning the disturbance.
Maybe if I opened my eyes, turned back and glared at him, that would do something? No. It wouldn’t. I knew it wouldn’t. All it would do is put a face to the voice. What if ended up meeting him some day? My impression of him would be poisoned by now knowing the identity of my morning meditation murderer.
That wasn’t the answer.
But, what was? I knew there was an answer. There’s always an answer.
I shared my Heart with him. In my mind, I gave him a piece of my Heart. My Heart didn’t get any smaller when I did this, but the external disorder did. And, I still had my Heart intact; the same as it was before I gave away a piece.
So, without opening my eyes, I gave everyone on the bus a piece of my Heart. In my mind, I stood up from my seat, with my heart-shaped Heart in my hands and walked up and down the aisle giving everyone a part of it. It never got any smaller. I could give and give and give, and it was still there. As strong as it could ever be.
As this all “happened” with my eyes closed, rear end still in my seat, I felt the effect. I felt the message that I could give away as much of my Heart and Love as I could muster, and it would never be taken from me. It is there to give. Perpetually. Without exception. Without consequence. Without extinction.
Oh. And, Johnny Microphone shut his yap. 😉
Live Love.
Be Love.
Our heart and us won’t change based on external factors (I think this is what you have mentioned on one of your comments). It is totally a matter of how we react. The sound from someone could be noise if we think they are and treat that noise as noise; or it can just be a sound if we don’t treat them as a noise. A couple of weeks ago I was so mad of what someone said to me as whatever that person has said is totally inappropriate and impolite. I was so mad that I didn’t go with my ice-cream strategy as usual but wrote a long email to one of my good friends.I feel a bit relieved but not enough. Then I began to blame myself that why I have chosen to go through the bad feeling all over again by writing that emails. If I didn’t write that email, my anger will not be that big. However, I then realized it is me who chose to be mad when those words came to my heart via my ears; then it is my decision to write that long email and then it is my choice to blame myself for writing that email. All those anger is from me, and once I realized that is what has happened. I am not mad anymore. I am back to normal and keep on doing what I believe I should do. Those mean words just “fuel” me up to work even harder to achieve my goals. My heart is back to peace. There is no more relaxing feeling of having a peaceful mind and a peaceful heart. However, I am also acknowledged that it is OK to be angry as I am a being of human :). Anyways from now on, I will keep on eating ice cream to ease my potential anger. Be blue love and be bright!
It is very okay to be angry. I think it’s important to experience all those emotions as you’ve described. But, equally as important, is to not persecute one’s self for having those feelings. Regardless, of how “evolved” our consciousness becomes, we are all still human. Sometimes, instinctively, we go to a place we’d rather not; we experience those tough emotions. But, it’s okay. It’s an amazing awareness of self to realize that you are in that spot because of your choice. Not because of what was said or done to you, but because of the level of impact that was attached to it being personal. Again, it is our choice to make it personal or to say, so and so, “is dealing with whatever they are dealing with and chose to take it out on me. It has nothing to do with me and my Heart”. Nothing is ever personal unless we make it. In that lies great strength, but also takes great strength to employ.
So, I say, be mad. And, be Love.