So, I’m reading Brené Brown’s, “the Gifts of Imperfection”. About halfway through.
Completely unrelated (but not), I fell asleep with this book the other night. I ended up creasing a corner of the front cover and a few of the pages; I hate “damaging” books. Guess it fits that the one book I goof up is titled, “the Gifts of Imperfection”? Perfect. J
Dr Brown’s approach is a bit of a tough one. Tough in the regard that, at least so far, she’s all about taking a hard look at what we do to ourselves. Or, maybe more aptly put, what we allow to be done to us – by us. It’s about how we let the little voice in our head convince us that we’re not good enough, not worthy, undeserving, and ultimately, constructing a seemingly insurmountable wall in front of being able to Love ourselves.
Although, the book is insightful and very thought-provoking, I’m not feeling the super greatest while I read it. I think that means it’s working. No pain, no gain, right? Well, maybe if you believe it has to be that way. Definitely, debatable.
As a researcher, Dr Brown, over years of work, has offered her definition on such things as Love, belonging and spirituality. Tough ideas to put into words let alone, a bonafide definition. And, although her insights carry more substance, education and inspiration than I could ever imagine myself being in possession of, it’s not her words that move me, it’s the feeling.
It’s the feeling I experienced when I read her thoughts on how saying, “I Love you” isn’t the same as actually practicing, “I Love you”. We can say those three words as much as we like, but are we really living them? It’s the feeling I experienced when I read that I’m not only numbing the pain I don’t want to feel, but also the joy I don’t know how to feel, either.
This is what this book is doing for me; it’s asking me for accountability and responsibility of myself. It’s asking me to have my actions speak louder than words. It’s reminding me that I always have the power to effect change and that I create hope. It’s not necessarily telling me how-to do all these things, but it’s certainly telling me to ask myself if and how I’m choosing to do these things. The book doesn’t need to tell me how to do these things because I have the answers inside me. We all do. The answer will be that feeling that moves you – like really moves you. Whether it makes you feel invincible, or want to cry, or find it impossible to wipe the smile off your face; you’ll know it when you feel it. I can’t describe for me or for you because I’m not you and you’re not me. I just know it will feel genuine and you’ll have to force yourself to ignore it.
Even as I write this, I feel a strong sense of heartfelt emotion (or, maybe it’s because I’m 38,000 feet in the air leaving +20c Phoenix for -20c Winnipeg?). The point is, trust your Heart. Ask yourself, as many times as you can remember in a day, “what am I doing about being the real, authentic me?” Just make sure you’re listening to the answer.
Live Love.
Be Love.
I used to believe “no pain, no gain”, now I don’t. I don’t easily feel painful anymore. It is how I look at the problem and how I feel about it. The pain is not from anywhere else, but from how we feel about it. If you want to feel painful, then you will; and vice versa. There is no next life and we have to live the best out of it in this life. Thus, don’t torture yourself. Be bright!
I agree. I don’t believe we need to torture ourselves, and maybe my wording of “pain” wasn’t the best. But, I believe we need to look at what we have inside of us. Not ignore it or avoid it, but rather, “face the music”.
Dwelling on mistakes or the past or what we don’t like about ourselves is not helpful. But, acknowledging those things and feeling what they mean to us, is. It’s part of our growth into our real selves. But, you are right. Torture unto one’s self, is a choice that we shouldn’t make.
Thank you!
Be Love.