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heart buns

How many cheeks do you have to turn for it to be enough?

If “being Love” is your endgame, the answer is probably, “as many as it takes”.

At t[h]m, we focus on us. We do that because you really only have the ability to change one person, you. Change is a choice and making that choice for someone else is not our job. We can inspire, influence and encourage others but, their change in is their own hands.

That all being said, sometimes, when it comes to our own personal change, we do have zero in on others. Especially, when it comes to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a big deal. It releases your mind from the agony of how someone wronged you, it opens your heart by creating strength from vulnerability and, very simply, it frees your soul.

In most instances, I don’t think we can just snap our fingers and “poof”, we forgive everybody. Maybe it should be like that, but until we reach that level of unconditional Love and compassion for every person we cross paths with, forgiveness is going to be a strong internal debate. “Should I forgive this person?” “Do they deserve my forgiveness?” “What if they wrong me, again?” “Can I give them my Love?” Yes, yes, it doesn’t matter and yes, are your answers, by the way. 🙂

In the absence of being Jesus, Buddha or Gandhi, we need tools for forgiveness. We needs ways and reminders and reasons why we should forgive whether it’s once, twice or forty-one times. How do we fill up our tool chest (no coincidence your Heart is your chest, too)?

  1. Don’t take things personally – the second you start taking something personally is the second you start allowing guilt, blame, fault and a reason not to forgive to creep into your mind. Tell yourself that this person’s action is because of their response to a situation. They are in control of their responses and their behaviours. Regardless of how much they point the finger at you, they have the choice to externalize what it is that’s inside of them. You can’t and don’t make anyone do anything.


  1. Understand – although it can appear that the person is choosing to wrong or hurt you, no one is truly a bad person. I don’t believe anyone really has a bad heart and feels their true purpose is to watch the world burn. There is always a motivation driving us, be it something we can readily identify or something deep within the subconscious. In fact, understanding why someone did something is really irrelevant in comparison to just understanding that there is a “why”. By knowing there’s a “why”, it helps us with not taking things personally and it lets us know there is cause to the effect. As humans, we’re naturally predisposed to wanting reason. Undoubtedly, at one point or another, we’ve all felt undeserving, unloved, unworthy, powerless, helpless, the list goes on. How we decide to regain this assurance in ourselves is reflected in how we treat others. Understand that as much as it may seem like this person is a class A jerk, they are truly struggling with something of their own. They are lacking something that they are trying to find. And, their perspective on their situation is probably not the same as yours. Try to understand this person and where they are coming from. But, truly, above anything, just understand that this person needs help. They need your Love.


  1. Let it go – this is where you come in. You can choose to carry the burden of resentment with you, or you can choose to get it off your shoulders. The more you focus on how you’ve been hurt, the bigger it will be. Letting go doesn’t make you a pushover or give the other person the win, it’s just the opposite. It empowers you by accepting the opportunity to grow. You can know that whatever it is you’re enduring is an opportunity in life to be Love. The universe will never give you something you don’t need at that particular moment. Let go of labelling it as “bad” and latch on to knowing that you’re where you are because you need to be there; because you need to learn something.


  1. Be a goldfish – have a short memory. Our whole lives are an exercise in forgiveness. Until our eyes and Heart see everything through unconditional Love and compassion, we’re always going to be given an opportunity to forgive. Set the scoreboard back to zero each time. Keeping track of how many chances you’ve given someone or how many people you’ve let off the hook is just going to build that bitterness inside of you. Treat each instance as the first. Everyday, reset your excitement in finding the opportunity to be Love.


  1. Don’t be a doormat – just because we want to offer forgiveness, it doesn’t mean we need to put ourselves in the line of fire. Put your Heart in a place of forgiveness but get invested in making a change. Help yourself improve that situation; offer your support to that person in helping them get through whatever they’re struggling with, get yourself out of there, or just treat yourself to an ice cream. Whatever you can do to make your life better, do it. But, do it from a place of Love.

How you open yourself up to forgiveness is really going to be a product of what resonates and makes the most sense with you. Ultimately, remind yourself that you can’t change what’s happenED but you can change what’s happenING. Forgiveness helps us clear the fog from our Hearts and our heads and lets us understand that there’s always an opportunity to be the better version of you. The version you are meant to be.

be Love.


Comments ( 2 )

  1. Replygreen-moonlight

    Rather than "let it go", I "let it be". I try my best to resolve any issue, but if I can't solve it after trying single effort of mine. I will let it be and time will tell and will prove anything the way it should be. I used to be very upset when people dump their "trash" to me by talking impolitely to me because they have had a bad day or what so ever. Then I realized when I feel upset, I have taken their trash away from them and dump to myself by myself. If I give a smile and let it be, I don't feel upset and no trash has been taken. i.e. whether the trash will be "given to me" is totally dependent on my attitude. I try not to jump to the conclusion easily, and give time to people around me to let it be. However, the more I care for someone, I will easily jump to a wrong conclusion. This is very normal as we don't get upset easily to people we don't care, when we care for someone and love them with all our heart, even a single tiny thing they do upset us so badly. Whenever I see this coming, I will have to ensure I have tried every single effort to save my love between that person and me. Communication is key in love. Although we always you know who love you; but really? How do you know? By looking at that person's eyes? By hugging that person? Maybe these facial expressions and body language will give you a hint. If we really want to know our answer, we have to talk to the love we love. This is the best way to show them we care for them and we love them and we don't want to lose them; we basically asking them and us, what can we do to save and/or maintain our love. Love is not easy, it is really not. True and pure love won't be given up easily though. Alright my eyes keep on shutting down. Be bright and be happy. Later :)

    • Replyjames jaworsky

      I believe that you are very right. It's up to us if we wish to take the trash that people give to us. And, it becomes a product of the level of "investment" we have in a relationship. The more we feel we have something to hang onto, the more we have at stake. It's not to say we should just walk away from something that isn't working for us, but it is to say that we need to invest in our own self Love. When we invest in our own self Love, we will hopefully remove the expectations we have on others to fill that and also to remove the expectations we have of our self. As you said, it still does require work. Communication is extremely important. But, communication from the Heart; from a place that supports the Love you want to share. Be bright and get more sleep!

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