the stank-tity of marriage

handcuffs

For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. Til death do us part!

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think you were reading a life sentencing rather than boilerplate marriage vows.

And, to top it all off, that courtship condemnation is usually followed by a heart-felt “I DO”.

So, why can’t it be “for better and best”? Or, “in health and longevity”? And, “because life brought us together”?

Although my title to this article is a bit harsh, I don’t really have anything against marriage. I do truly believe it to be a wonderful idea. But, I do think it is sort of just an “idea”.

I won’t get into how the legality and paperwork of it all are really a false sense of dogmatic commitment we attach ourselves to (okay, so I guess I did just get into it). But, I will ask, why do we get married?

½ + ½ = 1

We believe that there’s another half out there that will make us whole. I mean, how many guys fell even further into the dog-mahouse the second Tom Cruise uttered the sap-soaked “you complete me”? First Cocktail, and then that one; thanks for nothing, Maverick.

What if told you, you’re already complete? What if you truly believed it?!

The hard truth, and it’s “hard” because we’ve been so conditioned to believe otherwise, is that you are everything you need to be. No one can fill any void you feel you may have, except for you.

I’m not saying everyone subscribes to this belief, but marriage usually falls into the mix right after “establish secure career” and “white picket fence”. It’s just too bad that nowhere in that recipe is the ingredient, “Love myself”.

What I’m really trying to get at here is the reliance upon relationships to give us the feeling of wholeness and meaning. The trouble with that dependence is the same as the trouble with any dependence; it can be taken away from you. And, when something can be taken away from us, we live in fear. When we live in fear, we don’t live as our true self. When we don’t live as our true self, we’re not being Love.

Imagine contributing to a relationship as a whole, not a part. Imagine the Love you have for yourself to always allow you to absorb whatever the relationship brings you, but not bring you down. Imagine being able to give of yourself completely, always knowing that nothing can be taken from you. This is what Loving yourself is.

When we can look at ourselves in the mirror and know that who we are is Love and truly Love ourselves, our Heart can never be broken. We can fully give ourselves to our partner because we understand that the purpose of that relationship, like any other relationship, is to teach us the lessons we need to learn. But, it is not our purpose. It is not what gives us meaning.

Our meaning is our self. Our self and Love. Our purpose is to give it away as much as we can. Allow your relationships to be an opportunity not to see what you can get, but to be able to give what you are. That, is a true commitment.

be Love.

theheartmovementtiny

Comments ( 2 )

  1. ReplyMaria ferraro

    I completely agree. Society tells us how to be and what to do with our lives... Follow this template of life and you will fit in. I call this the "cattle state", you just follow along, mindlessly living, but is it your life, or someone else's idea of how life should be. Right from the start, little girls are bombarded with fairy tales of princes and knights in shining armour, to save us, fulfill us, and complete us. Heck, I think even my own mother told me that in other ways. And, if you listen to love ballads there's another example "how do I go on with out you, if you ever leave".... Remember the 80's, and 90's with Bon Jovi, Poison, def leopard all those big hair bands...they were filled with "you complete me" stuff. I used to think 2 halves make a whole, but the last few years I've learned, when 2 wholes come together there is no expectation of "complete me, and " you have to make me happy"... Instead relationships become the icing on the cake, rather than the cake. Selfcompletely agree. Society tells us how to be and what to do with our lives... Follow this template of life and you will fit in. I call this the "cattle state", you just follow along, mindlessly living, but is it your life, or someone else's idea of how life should be. Right from the start, little girls are bombarded with fairy tales of princes and knights in shining armour, to save us, fulfill us, and complete us. Heck, I think even my mother even told me that in other ways. And, if you listen to love ballads there's another example "how do I go on with out you, if you ever leave".... Remember the 80's, with Bon Jovi, Poison, def leopard all those big hair bands...they were filled with "you complete me" stuff. I used to think 2 halves make a whole, but the last few years I've learned, when 2 wholes come together there is no expectation of "complete me, and " YOU are to make me happy"... Instead relationships become the icing on the cake, rather than the cake. Self love is so important, but many people don't understand that idea, because all their love has been learned through the external way of being accepted, getting their worth and love, from the approval of others, not just partners but from our parents, family, jobs etc. we tend to value ourselves through the external sources, which will always leave us vulnerable to how others think and feel, and never getting complete. Self love, is so important to have first, and it comes from self worth, when you have this internal knowing of love, your heart can expand to a place beyond words and you share that with the world. It took me a long time to understand this and have a knowing and feel this, and it continues to be a lesson that I return to over and over again, and am grateful for because now I know that self love is the first step in fully giving. I'm not perfect, I still am on my journey and processing, and learning about self love, and it has been an up and down journey, but all worth it! I know I've rambled on quite a bit, but , one last thing! Top Gun, I have to admit it's one if my favourite movies... And I have to admit, I was a tom cruise fan back then, I even named my German Shepard...maverick!! I know, I know...it was a long time ago...and Maverick (my dog) has passed on. But, I have to admit, and digress...my most favourite scene in that movie was the "volley ball" scene... Sweaty, chiselled, half dressed men...it's always nice to look at. ;)

  2. Replyjames jaworsky

    Self Love is a very challenging, but obviously the most rewarding endeavor. What I struggle with is not feeling like I'll get there and, as a result, never be "available" to have someone fully in my life. Maybe part of the reward is realizing the vulnerability of it all and just allowing that to be the lead in to availability? I don't know for sure, but I know I will keep doing what I can to move in that positive direction. Thank you for commenting. :) PS you can "ramble" as much or as little as you like here. It's all welcomed.

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