doing the same thing + expecting a different result = insanity

Imprisonment – the old way Freedom – the new way


I believe I am separate from others. I believe I am separate from a higher being. I even believe I can be separate from who I truly am.



I am connected to everyone and everything. We support each other.



I withhold information from others and the truth from myself. I never allow anyone, including myself, to know who I really am.

Honesty and openness

With honesty, I am who I truly am. I do not withhold who I am for fear of pain or loss of control. I can never really know or predict the response to my honesty and should, therefore, stop assuming responsibility for the emotions, growth and reactions of others to my honest, non-manipulative communication.

Fear-based monogamy

Fear of loss of a relationship separates me from the vulnerability of having to deal with other relationships. Therefore, I feel (separate) and “safe”.

Relationships by choice

There is no inherent “right” or “wrong” to any type of relationship. All relationships are inherently neutral and “okay”. If I choose monogamy, I do not expect or need my partner to do the same.

Conditional love

I will love you, only so long as you fulfill my needs and expectations. I withdraw my love if you do not satisfy me.

Unconditional Love

I Love you without trying to change you. I do not require you to fulfill my needs or have expectations of you.


I need commitment in order to avoid my fear of having to deal with other relationships. I believe commitment ensures security. This is a false sense.

Being in the present

I stay present. I do not need commitment because I trust the future to bring me what I require and teach me what I need to learn.


I want, expect and try to get others to fulfill my expectations and needs. I use my relationships to get what I need.

No expectations

I enjoy the relationships of others but without expectations.


I use obvious or cloaked manipulation to facilitate my needs being met. I do this to remain protected from my own fears. I see others as who I need them to be and not for who they are.


I allow my relationships to be who they need to be. Only then can I see who they truly are.

The need to control

I do not believe that everything that happens to me is for my highest good. I try to control and shape all aspects of my life and relationships.

Absolute trust

I know and trust that everything occurs for me and my highest good. I have no desire to control anyone.


I depend on and need someone outside of myself to make me happy.


I recognize that I, and only I, am the creator of my own reality. Therefore, only I am the creator of my own happiness.

A person cannot fully love more than one person

I believe that if a relationship I have also loves another relationship, that there is less love for me.

A person can fully Love more than one person

There is a never-ending source of Love for everyone to share. No matter how many people I Love and how many people Love me, it does not diminish the strength and force of any source of Love.


It is not good when a relationship has less time for me.


If I truly Love myself unconditionally, the time spent with myself is equal to the time spent with another. The time I spend with myself is as enjoyable as the time I spend with others.


I believe there is always the potential to experience pain. I choose this.


I know I am the creator of my happiness and do not choose pain.


Ending or losing a relationship creates pain.


I recognize this relationship no longer serves me. I am grateful for the experience I have shared and the lessons I have learned. I allow myself to move in another direction from the relationship with no animosity or hard feelings. Only Love.


I require the physical presence of others. I am not comfortable with me.


I know that I am connected to everyone, including those I Love. I know I am never alone even when I am by myself in physical form.

Externalized anger

I am angry at the outside world for not meeting my expectations.

Internalized recognition

I recognize that I have created a reality that I do not prefer.


I, sometimes, hurt others. Sometimes, I am hurt by others.


I create my own reality, which includes other people’s reactions to my actions. I can never be hurt by another person unless I choose to be hurt. Only I am responsible for my reactions to the comments and actions of others.

External responsibility

My relationship partner is seeking to have their needs met by me. A person’s needs can never be truly met by anyone but themselves. This creates expectations, attachment and possibly ill-fated feelings.

Internal responsibility

I am pure in my intention toward the relationship. I am 100% who I truly am. I am fully responsible for what, in my integrity, I would like to give to the relationship.

*published with permission from Aromansse – yoga meditation healing []

Comments ( 2 )

  1. Replygreen-moonlight

    Such a great chart of comparison and I think I have to print it off and hang it up. Honesty and openess, I can be honest and open to my self, but I don't think I can do it to everyone. Unconditional love: love is love, there is no conditions adding to it; if I say I love you, I mean every part of me love every part of you, and you are an important part of me. Trust/control: I don't like controlling anyone or being controlled any one. Everyone is in charge of their own life and make the best of their own lives. A person can fully love another person: yes definitely as long as you have the ability of love. Pain & happiness: I think people must experience both of them in their life. The feeling of pain remind us to enjoy every singe happy minute. Loneliness/connectiveness: I don't think there is 100% loneliness or connectiveness. We are connected to different social groups in our daily life, but sometimes we also have to be alone. The loneliness I refer to the process of thinking. Victimhood/empowerment: when I know what I want to do in my life, I feel empowered. People can hurt me, but it is only up to me to decide if I get hurt. I don't want to feel hurt, so I stand up and be strong. Responsibility: I am fully responsible to myself.

  2. Replyjames jaworsky

    What you say is true, you are fully responsible to yourself and for yourself. Changing our way of thinking and feeling is all within our power. We need to continually practice and get stronger. Like going to the gym, the greater frequency at which you exercise and lift weight, the greater your ability exercise longer and lift heavier weight. You get stronger. Using our Heart is no different. :)

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