Not two days after I’d written about how we choose to experience guilt, did I make that exact choice. “Great, now I feel guilty that I can’t even practice what I preach”. Wait, I’m doing it AGAIN! Geez, this is not easy.
In thankful retrospect, choosing to be a victim couldn’t have worked out better. It’s given me an opportunity to share my failure; in truth, my success. Often, one and the very same thing.
We all have the choice to put ourselves in a higher place.
The details of what happened aren’t important. My omission of them is not to be intentionally frustrating, but to illustrate that regardless of what happens to us individually, we can all use the same tools to be better; to be stronger.
I wasn’t coming to my own rescue. I wasn’t able to overcome my guilt and show myself the Love I deserved. Thankfully, without knowing it, help was all around me.
As I opened up to first my rescuer, I made sure to profess why what had happened “didn’t even matter”; that it “didn’t change who I was”; and that it “wasn’t even true”! In the wake of all that defense of myself, did I feel any better? No. In fact, the old adage, “what we focus on, grows”, was holding true. I was feeling worse the more I went on.
This quiet soul looked on earnestly, not saying much. As I eventually wound myself down, I finally turned my attention to this person. What my attention saw was a kind, sincere, heartfelt pair of eyes looking at me. Along with those eyes, a hug followed. Not an “I feel sorry for you hug”, but an “it’s okay, I know who you really are hug”. And, I thought – what matters to this person is me. Not what had happened, but just ME.
That evening, as I drove home from a gratifying workout at the gym feeling refreshed and upbeat, I thought – my body doesn’t care about what happened earlier today. It responded positively to the workout and in turn, I feel good.
As I enjoyed my dinner later that night, again I thought – regardless of anything outside this moment, this food is providing me with what I need and I’m grateful.
Finally, as my evening came to a close, I enjoyed some music; something I often do. As I listened, I continued my reflection of the day and thought – this music sounds the same every day. All that changes is how I choose to listen and absorb it.
In every instance, each of those positive experiences was a choice. As much as it seemed like what had brought me down was involuntary and forced upon me, it wasn’t. It was a choice of the negative. My rescuer’s hug, my workout, everything that filled my evening; was a choice of the positive. And, I felt better in every instance. Those instances were my true self shining through. My decision to feel guilt and victimized by what happened earlier that day was a choice of darkness over my light.
We don’t have to choose to be a victim. Get a hug, give a hug, run til your legs burn, laugh til your stomach hurts, eat an Oreo ice cream sandwich, blast your favorite song. Just get out of the way of the negative and Love yourself however you can in that moment. It can be the most simple thing that brings you joy. Make the choice.
be Love.
