a conversation

And, there came a knock.

“Hello?” was the reply, with just barely enough intonation to seem as though it was actually a question.

The knock came again.

“Who is it?”; a different question this time. But, the same question that had been asked many times before, to the very same knock many times before.

“It’s me!”, was the response, in keeping with the transparent, but understandable, charade.

“Why are you here again?”; the voice asked, with just barely enough intonation to seem as though it wasn’t actually a question.

“I never left. Do you want me to go?” knowing what the answer would be.

“No. It’s not that” the voice said, not truly wanting to be left alone.

“What is it, then?” the other voice asked, knowing full well the answer that would come.

“I don’t know what you want from me”, knowing full well that wasn’t really the answer.

“I don’t want anything from you. I never have. That’s not how this works” came the gentle response.

“Well then I don’t know how it works” said the voice not with frustration but with a masked sense of fragility.

“I just want you to let me in” the other voice replied apathetically but with a calm sense of confidence. “But, I know why you don’t want to”.

“I don’t know how I could after what you did to me” the masked fragility now over shadowed by a hesitant uncertain contempt.

“You know that it wasn’t me. I know you know that it wasn’t me” was the still, compassionate assuage. “That’s not who I am. It’s not me. It’s not you either” said the other voice.

“Yes well, I’m pretty sure I can just do this on my own. It’s been like this for awhile now and it’s fine. It’s ok” came the response, absent of any truthful conviction to it.

“You could. You totally could. It’s just that I won’t go away. Not because I think I know what’s best for you, but because I know you really don’t want me to” the other voice said, standing its supportive ground.

“I just….I don’t think it’s going to happen. It hasn’t worked in the past and I can’t see it happening now. So, maybe you should just go” said the voice hoping, and knowing, the other voice wouldn’t keep on with the transparent, but understandable, charade.

“I want to be honest with you” said the other voice. “I’ve, actually, always been honest with you. The past? That wasn’t really me. It may have seemed like it was, but it wasn’t. We weren’t really actually doing it together. You never really let me in. I mean, I wouldn’t still be out here if you had, right?” hoping the attempt at compassionate logic would be more than just audible.

Silence.

“I know you’re unsure. I know you’re hurt. I know you’re a bunch of things that you never expected to be. I know you think it’s my fault and I’m ok with that. I’ve been here before. I can take it as many times as is necessary. You can trust me. I know exactly what to do so that you don’t have to. I’ve never been scared. I’ve never been hurt. I, actually, can’t be anything except what I am.”

More silence.

“Why don’t we just try it? I promise we’ll think about what we need to do, but we can’t overthink things. We’ll be cautious, but I’ll make us a lot more courageous. I’ll do all the work so you won’t have to do anything. Like I said, I’ve been here before. It’s what I do. And, I’m really good at it.”

The voice on the other side was closer now, but was also quieter, “I’m scared”.

“It’s because I’m not there with you” was the whisper back.

When the Heart reached over to let Love in, it realized there was actually nothing standing in the way. It realized that it just needed to let go.

Be Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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