Daily archives "09-16-2018"

….who’s there?

I’m not there. Yet. Arguably will never be. In fact, to not be a contradiction, I would have to conclude that I’ll never be there. But, that’s not the point. The point is that you try.

Ever really think about who you are? Ever really think about the things you’ve learned about yourself? Or, the things you still don’t know about yourself? I’m not speaking about what your favourite colour is, or the name of the dog you owned when you were eight, or how many Fakebook friends you have.
I’m talking about who you really are. In the place that no one can know except for you. It’s not the easiest thing to answer. It’s not the easiest thing to understand. The potential of your consciousness, your awareness, your compassion, your Love, ends somewhere around limitless. And so, maybe there is no static answer? That’s evolution, I would believe – no static answer, no static conclusion. It will go as far as you can take it. Maybe it’s not about how you’ll get to the end that doesn’t actually exist, but that you just try. You strive.

I don’t think the question gets asked a lot. I don’t think we consciously ask ourselves, “who am I?” And, if you did, then what happens? It’s, quite possibly, the most real question you could ask of yourself. It’s a whirlwind in there. Everything about you is in the there. All your beauty; all your ugliness. The joy you’ve experienced; the abuse you’ve harboured. How you’ve treated people; how you’ve been treated. Real is not easy. Real is real. It can be a kick when you’re already down.

Observe. Observe what you see and hear around you. Observe what you see and hear of yourself. How much of it is Love? How much of it isn’t? There’s a lot of selfishness out there, arrogance, intimidation, deceit, abuse; it’s difficult to process the magnitude of it all. I understand it’s not an optimistic assessment, but it’s accurate. It’s all out there because we are not inside ourselves. We are not inside of who we really are.

I will forever believe in the goodness of people. I believe it’s in everyone. I, also, believe there’s a lot of accountability and responsibility that’s been neglected. We don’t want to face our demons, we don’t want to resolve our guilt, we don’t want to acknowledge our indiscretions. We don’t want to do the work that comes with the question, “who am I?” And so, we don’t. We put what we can’t manage onto others, onto the universe and onto ourselves. The result is that we don’t live in Love.

When I ask myself the question of who I believe I am, I’m overwhelmed. I feel all the shitty things I’ve done and that have been done to me. I feel my insecurities and my inadequacies. I feel confusion and doubt. But, I feel something more than all of those combined. I feel a belief and a strength in Love. I feel compassion. I feel the pull to face the hard stuff and resolve within myself that I don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t want to be a person that is anything less than what the Heart is supposed to be. I don’t feel a desire to move toward the hurt, I feel a pull to move toward the light. It’s making the conscious choice to move to the light; to be a good person. It’s acknowledging that you have that choice to make.

It’s the biggest question to ask yourself, “who am I?” To find the soul, the being, the Heart that is underneath what everyone else sees and even what we mask to ourselves. All of it is real and none of it should be ignored. Teach yourself, remind yourself, affirm yourself that Love is bigger than all of it. When you face it all simultaneously, you will experience how everything stacks up. Love is a skyscraper surrounded by convenience stores. Nothing truly compares to it. And, if you don’t completely feel sure, it’s because you haven’t completely asked yourself the question, “who am I?” You are not anything but Love; to give and to receive and to accept. You are not anything but Love, to embody and to experience and to educate. You are not anything but Love.

Be Love.