Daily archives "05-13-2018"

a mother’s Love

Long before I put ‘pen to paper’ on this, I knew that I would not have the words to express what a mother’s Love is. I knew that as much as I could not have the capacity to find the words that would give even the smallest amount credence to this Love, I am sure that it is, in fact, something that is not capable of being fit into words. It is not anything that can be captured into a static form of expression; not into words, not into a painting, not into song. If it could be, I would not be the one to do it. I could not be the one to do it. And so, this is not about what a mother’s Love is, this is about what it has been, and is, to me.

I am a lucky one. I have a mom to which the inexplicable definition of what a mother’s Love, belongs to. She is a mom who believes her existence to be solely for that of her children. She is here so that my brother and I can be here; is what she would tell you. And, although the expression from which that emanates is not always as poetically fluid as the notion of it suggests; ie, “are you eating enough?”, “are you getting to bed early?” that’s what a mother’s Love sometimes sounds like.

When I was younger, so too was my awareness. She was just, ‘my mom’; the mom I’d always known – giving me flak for staying out too late, for not getting along with my father and for listening to music too loudly. But, my mom has always been her. She has always embodied, in whatever complexion was fitting given the circumstance at the time, what it is to carry the fire of a mother’s Love.

As my path in life took a shape that found me acknowledging the concept of and believing in my own evolution, I realized that there is nothing that will stay the same unless chosen to be that way. This is active evolution; it is not something that just happens as you passively wait but that you must be a participant in. As my awareness grew and my consciousness expanded, so did my emotional quotient. I remember, many many years ago as I was about to move out, people had told me that my relationship would change with my parents. At the time, the infancy of my awareness, I was resistant to believe it because of how it had always been. I would never be ‘friends’ with my parents.

My relationship with my parents did change, more so with my mother than my pops. Which makes a bit of sense; put us four in a line up and you’ll have no trouble seeing that my father largely begat my brother and the majority of my blueprints come from mom. Thankfully, I’ll say too, she’s the better looking one. 🙂

As the years went on, I started speaking more with my mother; not just about what was “going on at work” or “what was new”, but about life. It wasn’t as though everything just one day was out on the table, but things started opening up a bit more (still a work in progress). It was never really part of my consciousness to see behind my mom’s super hero cape that there was a person no different from me; I didn’t have the emotional quotient, once upon a time. As we spoke more, I listened more. It wasn’t so much of what I heard her say; it was what I felt her say. I started to feel how any little thing that brought me down, tore her right down. I started to feel how any time I was stressed out or worn thin, she became an extension of that multiplied by eighteen, wanting nothing more than to take it from me and shoulder the burden herself. I realized that I was blessed with a mother that only needed one thing for her life to feel meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled; that my brother and I had lives that were meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled. And, to this day, she is still the same person that she has always been. Her evolution as a caring, giving, selfless mother was complete a long, long time ago; long before my evolution into this awareness ever began. For that, I am forever grateful. The difference now that I recognize this and I tell her.

My life has also been blessed with a parallel experience; one that I don’t think I could have ever expected – the unexpected, the calling card of the Universe, it seems. 🙂 I was fortunate enough to share a relationship with a woman that is also a mother, at a time where attention to my awareness, consciousness and evolution was ever-present in my life. To have the opportunity to be part of, experience and witness a mother’s Love from this place in a relationship was a greater expansion of my Heart.

It was an experience certainly different than what it is to be mother’s child; the only experience I had ever known. This new experience was being side by side with a partner that embodies this Love. It was the ability to observe it, to learn from it, to grow from it and to participate in it. I witnessed the strength and the beauty, the vulnerability and the pain behind this Love. Again, something I could never have the words, capacity or emotion to communicate; therein which lay the power of it. It would be like trying to explain the magnitude of the Universe; where would you even begin?

I feel fortunate to have had that been a part of my life. I believe it taught me something that would not have been possible had I, myself, also been a parent simultaneously. Of course, there is immense personal growth and evolution in being a parent; very different, as well, between that of a mother and a father. But this part of my life, the connection to that Love, has given me a special piece toward making my Heart bigger. Toward making my Love bigger. And for that, I am forever grateful.

As an ethereal embodiment on this plane of existence, we are all composed of a masculine and feminine energetic harmony within us. As a male physical representation of those masculine and feminine energies, I will never be able to experience, within me, what the Love of a mother is. It is something I can feel and experience inside of my Heart, but from that which is external from me; from that which I’ve tried to narrate with the words here. And, although there are words here, this Love is not about words. It’s not about what it sounds like or what it looks like, it’s exactly about the fire inside that only a mother can illuminate.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Be Love.