Monthly archives "May 2018"

it’s not just all in your head

We’ve all been there. In fact, we might all be here right now to some degree or another. It may very possibly be that you’d say to yourself, “no, not me”. It may be something you just don’t believe you’d be susceptible to. It’s, also, easily plausible that you’ve never actually even considered it as something present in your experience.

Mental health; I say this unequivocally, we’ve all battled this.

Mental health and well-being is no longer a foreign concept to the general public. At the same time, it’s certainly not thrown into the conversation with regularity as many other of life’s challenges are. The idea of mental health is still largely perceived as an “I know someone that’s gone through some pretty tough issues but not me” type of thing.

That’s an expired paradigm that we need to shift.

Mental health is not anything that fits into a fixed parameter of definition. It’s a bunch of different things for a bunch of different people. It’s something that may affect one person that another shrugs off. It’s something that will elicit a certain response or emotion in one person whereby educe an entirely different reaction in another. It’s something that a person may be entirely cognizant to recognize within themselves or may go entirely neglected by another person. And, therein lies the immense challenge with mental health and well-being; it does not have one identity, it has seven billion.

We’ve all experienced mental challenge. I would vehemently argue that a person who struggles with confidence, who has a diminished sense of self worth, who feels unaccepted, who is challenged with receiving Love from others as well as Loving themselves, is not in a thriving place of mental health and well-being. Those who we typically deem to suffer from mental challenges are not reserved by the ability for clinical diagnosis. Just because there isn’t a fancy name from a text book to call what you’re battling, that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t be caring about you; that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t be helping you.

When we face the mental struggles that are a product of our perception of self, we usually just call this “life”. We’re having a few bad days or work is overly stressful or maybe we even feel a bit lost overall. And, we rely upon someone close to listen to us, to dry our tears or to hold us while we bide our time for it to pass, probably accompanied by a false “I’ll be fine” or a sweep under the proverbial rug.

Yes, there are individuals that suffer greatly from complex mental and emotional challenges that require psychological and medical attention and therapy by those that can provide it. But, for most of us, the mental and emotional challenges we face are just what’s happened to us in life; but, it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the same.

Enough credibility toward how mentally and emotionally damaging “life” can be is not often given. But, it is very true and very real. An abusive relationship, a traumatic childhood experience, a continuing stressful environment, financial difficulties, social anxiety, occupational malcontent; the list could literally go on forever. These are all very common “life” experiences that impact our mental well-being immensely. Yet, because we don’t affix anything out of the ordinary toward these influences, we believe that we should navigate them as a part of our path through life. And, often, the pressures build, unaddressed, to a point where we find ourselves in a place that we have no solution to come back from.

Do not be lenient on the effect that “life” can have on your mental health. Do not push through with neglect toward your well-being. Listen to your Heart when you ask if you really are ok.

Rely upon other people. Reach out to family members, close friends, anyone you feel comfortable with. To speak, to listen, to know that you are not alone and that someone cares; because someone does care. And, if that distance of dependency and reliance is too close, there are individuals that devote their careers to helping others. There are numerous resources to turn to find the right kind of help for you.

Be accepting and forgiving of who you are. Allow yourself to know that mental and emotional challenges are not solved by pride or avoidance. Be compassionate toward yourself and others. There is nothing to judge other than how much Love you or someone else needs.

Mental health and well-being is something that no one is immune to. I know it’s not anything that a person should or could try to manage alone. I’ve relied upon special people in my life, counselling and online resources to help me understand what I could not on my own or pick me up when my own strength wasn’t enough. None of us are ever alone.

Be Love.

To learn more about mental health and well-being check out

https://www.betterhelp.com/start/

and

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/

 

713 words and I may have not said a thing

Want to know what’s probably the most difficult thing in the world to do? Not even “probably”, come to think of it; it has to be the most difficult, actually. And, not because ‘it’ per se is difficult, it’s because everything else makes it difficult. Everything else around ‘it’ that’s not ‘it’ makes it difficult.

Want to know what’s the most difficult thing in the world to do?

Trust your Heart.

It was never meant to be, but it is. And, believe me, if I could explain exactly why, I’d be the first person I’d try to explain it to.

Our Heart is real, yet so much that is around us, is not. That’s not to say it’s good or bad, one way or another, it’s just not….real. Or, perhaps, not as real. And, I think that something we all desire to be, however deep down we’ve repressed it, is to be who we really are; to be real.

Sometimes, on occasion, I sit down in front of this keyboard and I know what I want to come out, but I don’t know how to get there. I search for the words, but stumble. I seek for the appropriate metaphor, but nothing. I try to relate or illustrate the idea by example, but come up empty. It doesn’t seem of merit enough to simply tell yourself or anyone else, “because that’s what’s in my Heart”. It’s a reason, but it’s not really a reason.

Perhaps that’s why it can be difficult to trust our Heart? Perhaps those instances whereby we can’t tangibly communicate what’s in there makes it seems the opposite of real, when it couldn’t be more? Maybe because we can’t translate a feeling into something of a lesser medium of communication, maybe it makes it seem as though we’re working from nothing more than a whim? And, a whim is the last thing anyone would ever want to trust.

Or, maybe fear has a lot to do with it? Maybe it’s because we’d trusted our Heart once, or twice, or three times and we were hurt? Maybe we trusted our Heart and were taken advantage of or cheated or abused? That would probably do it. That would probably, whether voluntary or not, condition our subconscious to abandon turning to the Heart for guidance.

And, you know, in turning away from the Heart for guidance, for self Love, we turn to everything that is not our Heart. We turn to the mind, we turn to what others think, we turn to what we should think, we turn to what others have done. We turn to all the things that can and will never be as real as our Heart. We turn to what we think is “best” as opposed to what the Heart knows is best.

I don’t think trusting your Heart means everything is going to be amazing. But, I think trusting our Heart is what makes us amazing.

As I type this, I can’t help but feel I’m saying little to nothing. Little to nothing because this is so much less about how to spell it out and so much more about what it feels like. It’s like looking up at that C-shaped crescent moon in the night sky and believing, trusting, what the universe holds. I’d have no easier of an endeavour putting pen to paper on that one in any overly convincing way other than to say, “you just have to trust the Universe”. I have no taller of soapbox to stand on other than to let myself trust what’s up there; what’s out there. No different than trusting what’s in here (pointing at chest where Heart is).

I trust my Heart. It’s hard to know it sometimes, to hear it sometimes, to listen to it sometimes, but I trust it. I know there’s no one way to do it other than to do it. And, to get up and try again. And, get up and try again. I know we’ve all tried those other things; we’ve tried to trust what our mind thought, what other people thought, what we thought we should have thought, and have still had to mend and rebuild. So, why not trust the one real place Love is?

Trust your Heart.

Be Love.

a mother’s Love

Long before I put ‘pen to paper’ on this, I knew that I would not have the words to express what a mother’s Love is. I knew that as much as I could not have the capacity to find the words that would give even the smallest amount credence to this Love, I am sure that it is, in fact, something that is not capable of being fit into words. It is not anything that can be captured into a static form of expression; not into words, not into a painting, not into song. If it could be, I would not be the one to do it. I could not be the one to do it. And so, this is not about what a mother’s Love is, this is about what it has been, and is, to me.

I am a lucky one. I have a mom to which the inexplicable definition of what a mother’s Love, belongs to. She is a mom who believes her existence to be solely for that of her children. She is here so that my brother and I can be here; is what she would tell you. And, although the expression from which that emanates is not always as poetically fluid as the notion of it suggests; ie, “are you eating enough?”, “are you getting to bed early?” that’s what a mother’s Love sometimes sounds like.

When I was younger, so too was my awareness. She was just, ‘my mom’; the mom I’d always known – giving me flak for staying out too late, for not getting along with my father and for listening to music too loudly. But, my mom has always been her. She has always embodied, in whatever complexion was fitting given the circumstance at the time, what it is to carry the fire of a mother’s Love.

As my path in life took a shape that found me acknowledging the concept of and believing in my own evolution, I realized that there is nothing that will stay the same unless chosen to be that way. This is active evolution; it is not something that just happens as you passively wait but that you must be a participant in. As my awareness grew and my consciousness expanded, so did my emotional quotient. I remember, many many years ago as I was about to move out, people had told me that my relationship would change with my parents. At the time, the infancy of my awareness, I was resistant to believe it because of how it had always been. I would never be ‘friends’ with my parents.

My relationship with my parents did change, more so with my mother than my pops. Which makes a bit of sense; put us four in a line up and you’ll have no trouble seeing that my father largely begat my brother and the majority of my blueprints come from mom. Thankfully, I’ll say too, she’s the better looking one. 🙂

As the years went on, I started speaking more with my mother; not just about what was “going on at work” or “what was new”, but about life. It wasn’t as though everything just one day was out on the table, but things started opening up a bit more (still a work in progress). It was never really part of my consciousness to see behind my mom’s super hero cape that there was a person no different from me; I didn’t have the emotional quotient, once upon a time. As we spoke more, I listened more. It wasn’t so much of what I heard her say; it was what I felt her say. I started to feel how any little thing that brought me down, tore her right down. I started to feel how any time I was stressed out or worn thin, she became an extension of that multiplied by eighteen, wanting nothing more than to take it from me and shoulder the burden herself. I realized that I was blessed with a mother that only needed one thing for her life to feel meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled; that my brother and I had lives that were meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled. And, to this day, she is still the same person that she has always been. Her evolution as a caring, giving, selfless mother was complete a long, long time ago; long before my evolution into this awareness ever began. For that, I am forever grateful. The difference now that I recognize this and I tell her.

My life has also been blessed with a parallel experience; one that I don’t think I could have ever expected – the unexpected, the calling card of the Universe, it seems. 🙂 I was fortunate enough to share a relationship with a woman that is also a mother, at a time where attention to my awareness, consciousness and evolution was ever-present in my life. To have the opportunity to be part of, experience and witness a mother’s Love from this place in a relationship was a greater expansion of my Heart.

It was an experience certainly different than what it is to be mother’s child; the only experience I had ever known. This new experience was being side by side with a partner that embodies this Love. It was the ability to observe it, to learn from it, to grow from it and to participate in it. I witnessed the strength and the beauty, the vulnerability and the pain behind this Love. Again, something I could never have the words, capacity or emotion to communicate; therein which lay the power of it. It would be like trying to explain the magnitude of the Universe; where would you even begin?

I feel fortunate to have had that been a part of my life. I believe it taught me something that would not have been possible had I, myself, also been a parent simultaneously. Of course, there is immense personal growth and evolution in being a parent; very different, as well, between that of a mother and a father. But this part of my life, the connection to that Love, has given me a special piece toward making my Heart bigger. Toward making my Love bigger. And for that, I am forever grateful.

As an ethereal embodiment on this plane of existence, we are all composed of a masculine and feminine energetic harmony within us. As a male physical representation of those masculine and feminine energies, I will never be able to experience, within me, what the Love of a mother is. It is something I can feel and experience inside of my Heart, but from that which is external from me; from that which I’ve tried to narrate with the words here. And, although there are words here, this Love is not about words. It’s not about what it sounds like or what it looks like, it’s exactly about the fire inside that only a mother can illuminate.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Be Love.

connect four….for your heart, your soul, your universe, for Love

Connection.

/kəˈnekSH(ə)n/ 1. a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else. 2. to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind

There was an idea, once upon a time, that I had about connection. That time wasn’t that long ago. But, it was a time, nonetheless, where I’d lived less of life than I have to this point. There goes the passage of time by which your life happens and that by which you happen upon life as time passes by. Connection has changed since the last time I thought I knew something about it. Did I learn? Yes. It is a way to explain it. Did I feel? Entirely. I wish there were the words to explain it.

It seems that connection, the time before now, may have been something I placed into a box. It was a certain something and it achieved a particular whatever it was. I thought I knew what it was all about back then, or maybe I just pretended to. Perhaps I knew a bit of something about it. It was as real then as it is now; that hasn’t changed. But, it seemed more malleable then. It could come and go, ebb and flow, be a yes or a no. I knew less back then. I’d felt less back then.

What I know now is not something I know from knowing, it’s something I know from feeling. It’s something that’s probably bigger than I ever thought it was. That’s not to say I had never thought it was something big, it’s just maybe not like this. And, as I reflect upon all that has been taught to me; all that I’ve awakened to; I wonder why it took me this long to understand something that makes the sense that it does. Perhaps better to be a slow learner than no learner at all? (the answer to that question is always ‘yes’).

There is the connection that resides in this physical plane; the one that comes and goes. It is the connection you may have with many or you may have with few. It’s a connection of commonality, of shared experiences, of voluntary and involuntary interaction and of dependence. It’s a connection you can have with family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and the person you buy your coffee from every morning. This connection is not diminished by its definition and place. It’s a meaningful connection. There is learning in this space. It fills a need for your human-ness. It is an acknowledgement of physical presence, physical being and physical existence. It is a beautifully orchestrated composition of how, regardless of circumstance, position, belief system or demographic, we can find connection in one another.

Then there is a greater connection; a deeper connection. It is not of the same plane as that of the physical connections we experience. It is beyond that. It is not a connection you can or will establish around every corner you turn. And, although you may have known of this connection for forty years, four years or four weeks, your Heart and soul have known it forever. These connections are eternal. They have been created in your Universe and live upon the stars. You will know this connection because it won’t have a definition or an explanation. It will, undoubtedly, have a place within your physical being, as it must. A connection of the Heart and soul will also take space in the physical realm. But, of the connections we make in this place, only very few have residence in our Heart and soul; our Universe.

And so, I revisit my earlier statement; “I wish there were the words to explain it”. Maybe the words are there? Maybe they are the ones that speak about playing cards with your grandmother, or about that friend that can always lift your spirits no matter what? Or, maybe they are the words that speak about how your father would tuck you into his coat when it started raining outside or how your light never feels brighter than when you think of your children? Or, maybe the words are about the person you fall asleep thinking about and wake up with on your mind? Maybe these words are not really words at all but feelings from a bigger place that we want to make sense of? But, we don’t need to make sense of them. They are before us and they will be after us. They are your Heart, your soul, your Universe. There is evolution here. Opening up to the Love, the beauty, the fear and the pain – there is evolution there. Your evolution. The expansion of your greater being into those connections is You.

Be Love.