Monthly archives "July 2015"

non-sufficient feeling?

valentine heart shape made by dollars isolated on white

valentine heart shape made by dollars isolated on white

It can be the ultimate deception. It can be a justifier. It can be what keeps you hanging on;

“I love you”

Three words can that be spoken with the utmost impact or absolute frivolity.

We’ve all experienced this at one point or another; an “I love you” that kinda didn’t make us feel the way it should. It seems odd or out of place to question such a thing, but we probably don’t do it enough. And, we certainly don’t confront it enough whether that be as the giver or the receiver. We might not readily believe“I love you” could be a phrase that would be hidden behind given the stature of its meaning, but it happens. All the time.

“I love you” is an easy security blanket. With the conscious choice to use it as such, it’s a “fall back” crutch, so to speak. That may not always be the purposeful intention behind it, but does it really matter all that much? If we’re not thinking about why we’re saying, or hearing, the words “I love you”, then what are we thinking about?

Love has become an emotion conveyed that is neither synonymous with kindness nor compassion. It’s become something we offer and accept without authentic personal investment.

Think of if you’ve ever had an emotionally or physically abusive episode with a partner, but reminded yourself, or them, of the “love” you share.  Think of if you’ve ever excessively reprimanded your child with the justification that it was because you “love them so much” and it’s for their “own good”. Think of if you’ve had a family relationship in which someone has been taken advantage of but had it swept under the rug because the nature of that relationship makes it okay. We “love” our family no matter what, right?

Actions speak louder than words.

But, when one of those words is “love”, it often drowns out everything else we should be hearing (and seeing). It’s the reason why destructive partner relationships continue; why animosity and resentment cultivate in our homes; and, why we feel empty even though it seems that we’re filled with “love”.

I’m not saying that every time you use the word “love” you compose a sonnet or, when you hear those words offered to you, you demand them in the form of an origami swan. Things don’t have to be so serious. But, what I am saying, or asking, is that, are we really thinking about both our words and our actions? Are we supporting each of those with the other? Similarly, it’s not our job to make someone else accountable for how they choose to live their life, but we can definitely start to make ourselves accountable for the Love we receive.

The fix, in my mind, is easy on this one. Keep offering all the Love you can; keep receiving all the Love you get. Just back it up. Understand where that “love” is coming from. Create that authentic personal investment, not only in the words, but equally as important, in the actions, intention and feeling behind it. Don’t let your mouth write a cheque your Heart can’t cash.

Be Love.





10% won’t make you a big dipper

big dipper

One day, for each and every one of us, it won’t matter.

The proverbial light bulb will go on and we’ll wonder what we’d been thinking the whole time up until then.

Maybe it will be the result of a tragedy or product of a spiritual awakening? Maybe it’ll be the joy of experiencing the birth of your child or the realization that you are in the last bed you’ll ever lie in? Maybe it’s been the life you’ve led for as long as you can remember or waiting for you in the next one after this?

One day, for each and every of us, it won’t matter.

The grudge you held, the envy that shamed you, the house you wanted, the pride you swelled with, the self-hate you enabled, the credit you thought you deserved; none of it will matter.

It matters now because you don’t want to believe that you’re one with the Universe. And, I’m one with the Universe. And, the lady, eight seats over, that annoyingly laughs at everything is one with the Universe. You want to believe you’re separate; that you’re ‘you’ and everyone else is ‘them’.

You’re not separate; from anyone or anything. Everything you do, everything you think, every way you project yourself, you actually do unto you. All the hate and all the Love you give to the Universe, you give to yourself. The care you give toward the Universe is the care you give toward yourself. You can give everything of yourself. There is no need to keep anything in reserve, it will come back to you.

One day, for each and every one of us, we’ll see that all those things we did and thought and reacted to that didn’t support ourselves and the Universe, didn’t matter. And, nowhere in the list of things that supports ourselves and the Universe is how much your handbag costs.

It’s pretty unlikely you’d ever be able to have a constructive sit-down with Nic Copernicus. But, the next time you start to think about how separate you think you are from everyone else, go outside, look up at the stars and remind yourself that they don’t revolve you.

Be Love.



….I forget

red line

This past weekend, engaged in conversation, I asked a question to a friend of mine for which I had already had the answer in my head. The question was about me, the answer was about me; it was one of those, sorta, rhetorical type questions. When my friend responded by saying, “because you chose it that way”, I was like, “shit, you’re right”. I just had to stand there for second processing the answer I just heard; it wasn’t the answer I was expecting because it wasn’t the answer I had. And, I was sure the answer I had was right.

It wasn’t.


This is a graph I’ve drawn before. The red line is me. The gray line is absolutely everything else. Like, everything – my job, the people around me, how much money I have, the weather, how I look, the state of affairs of the world – everything. For the most part, the gray line doesn’t really much change on a day to day basis. Sure, maybe things ebb and flow a bit here and there, maybe your bank account is a little bigger on payday than gets a little smaller on mortgage day, maybe you get a zit right on your forehead or maybe one of your friends is being an arse. Heck, maybe you’re the arse! Regardless, “everything” usually stays pretty static.

Now, the red line; the red line changes. It’s always changing. It’s up, it’s down, it’s elated, it’s disgruntled, it’s content, it’s confused, it’s peaceful, it’s angry, it’s jubilant and it’s downtrodden. It can be a volatile line.

Here’s the thing; the red line has nothing to do with the gray line. They are not correlated, as they say in Science. But, we really really really think they are. We’ve convinced ourselves that the red line has everything to do with what the gray line is doing. See how the graph shows it can’t be possible? (Good ol’ Science).

There’s two reasons (at least!) why we like the idea that the gray line dictates the red line.

1 – it’s easy and

2 – it shirks responsibility

It’s easy – this one walks into the second one. When you can pass the buck on something or to someone else about how you’ve responded or reacted or how you feel, it’s easy. It doesn’t trigger you to think any deeper about your own actions or state of well-being. You’re able to reach the conclusion that outside forces influenced your current position and had those forces not occurred or been present or met your expectations, you would feel different. Presumably, better.

It’s shirks responsibility – the natural follow up to “it’s easy”. We all kinda want small doses of responsibility. Managing a bit of responsibility is less of a strain than an elephant on your shoulders. Especially, when we can use it to dodge ourselves and what we really feel inside, ie being an arse, and point all eight fingers in directions not towards ourselves.

You’re in charge of your red line, ergo, “because you chose it that way”. Does that mean from this moment forward, for all intents and purposes, your line should continually climb to the heavens? No. But, it’s another reminder that you really do possess ownership of how much happiness you want to experience; how much Love you want to be. It’s all right there for the taking and for the giving. The gray line will always be there; it’s never going to change. The red one is the one you get to draw.

Be Love.








thirsty, anyone….?

punch in the face

This morning, I was punched in the face. And, it couldn’t have been more needed.

“If I embrace who I am, it will open doors, not shut them”

Punch. In. Face.

For me, hearing that line almost made me kick myself (violent Sunday morning, I know). Reason being; that’s nowhere near a new idea or something I haven’t thought about. And yet, it had never resonated with me before in the way that it did hearing it in that context.

The truth is, deep down, we all know who we really are. Some of us celebrate it, some of us are ashamed of it and some of us are simply ignorant, ignore it or push it down; often filling it with the “idea” of who we think we should be.

For most of us, the fear behind the real You is the perceived consequence that comes with it. It’s the apprehension surrounding being honest about who you are right at this moment; which may not be who you were yesterday or last year and may not be who you’ll be tomorrow or next month. There’s a nervousness that the real version of you won’t be accepted. Or maybe not even accepted, but at the least, limit your opportunities or ability for whatever your idea of success is.

It’s often not thought that opening up about who we are, or creating a greater self-awareness, or setting boundaries for our personal self; will result in a more evolved position than the one we are currently in. I’m careful not to say, a “more positive” position, because it’s all a matter of perspective. At least, on the surface, it’s a matter of perspective. Truthfully, embracing who you are will always lead to a more evolved, positive position than the one you are currently in. It’s just that you might have to navigate through some shit to get there. Which is another, almost assured, product of embracing who you are; conflict.

Growth, evolution, enlightenment; all come with conflict. Whether “conflict” is a ‘four-letter word’ to you is your decision. In the absence of leading a completely sedentary mental and emotional existence; becoming friends with conflict is a pre-requisite. And, possibly, you may even desire its presence in your life. Embracing who you really are will create conflict in a number of arenas; it’s unavoidable. But, it’s a great thing! It’s what will challenge you to expand your awareness about what the hell you’re doing every day and who you’re doing it with.

If you’ve plateau-ed in your workout or your job or how well you can write, becoming aware of and embracing that will only help you. If you’re an asshole, becoming aware of and embracing that will only help you. If you’re no longer growing in whatever relationship you’re in, becoming aware of and embracing that will only help you. Invariably, it will all come with conflict. The shift from conflict as negative to conflict as positive is in your decision-making power. Really, conflict is simply defined as a disagreement or a difference of opinion or position. It doesn’t have to be a rage fuelled death match. It’s a growth opportunity.

Being honest with yourself, about your station in life, will open those doors to you about where you need to go. Being self-aware of how you treat yourself and others will open those doors to you about being less of an asshole. Respecting what your Heart needs from the people you surround yourself will only increase its capacity for more Love. But, the common denominator is to embrace who you really are. It’s to have faith in the challenge that whatever conflict comes from it, your world will only expand, never contract.

“If your faith won’t fit in the door that opens, then, I argue, do not walk through that door” –DeVon Franklin

Be Love.