Monthly archives "November 2014"

put Love in a choke hold

one is loveliest number

Ever try to fall in Love with yourself? Probably not. That’s probably a really weird thing to suggest.

But, think about it. Most of us, at some point in our lives, will try to get or hope to have someone fall in Love with us. We’ll puff out our chests, bat our eyelashes or plume out our feathers however we can. Why? Because we want to be noticed by whomever we’re trying to be noticed by. By whoever’s affection we’re after.

How come we rarely, if ever, try to attract our own affection?

I’m not saying you need to be a narcissist and walk around like you’re better than everyone; making Vanity Smurf look humble in comparison. But, maybe it’s time to start knowing you’re perfect and you deserve your Love.

One is the loveliest number.

So, let’s be a little off the wall for a minute. Let’s say you’re vying for your own affection. It’s you on you. How do we treat ourselves relative to how we typically treat another person?

Ever notice someone you find attractive? Ever notice the same about yourself? Or, do we continually remind ourselves about how we’re not “good enough”? I promise, we all have countless attributes, both inside and out, that make us beautiful. They may not be the same as someone else, but they’re ours.

Ever want to buy someone the best gift ever? What happens? You think about what it would be. You find the exact item. You wrap it perfectly. And, you eagerly, with Love in your Heart, give it to them. You want to make them smile; and know you’re thinking about them. What happens when you buy something for yourself? Do we say, “Hey Me, I think you’re really great and although it’s just a material item, I want to give you this because I care about you”? I think we usually just “want” or “need” whatever it is and go out and buy it. Not thinking about how we can Love ourselves and make ourselves smile with the gesture.

When’s the last time you bought yourself lunch, not only because you need to eat, but because you want to enjoy your company with a nice meal? You don’t need to make a reservation for one by candlelight, but maybe ask yourself if you can buy you lunch because you’d like to spend some time together.

You don’t need a “big spoon” to have a cozy time on the sofa. A blanket, a cup of tea, a movie or some quiet solitude can help you feel your Love inside.

I realize that the things I listed are largely “surface” things. But, the truth is that you don’t really need to do any of them to know that you deserve to Love yourself. I use them as the little push to find the Love within us; as the way to lead into knowing you can Love yourself no matter what and that you don’t truly need anyone to have Love in your life. If it means being a little corny and winking at yourself in the mirror or wrapping a gift to give to yourself, why not? Why not help yourself Love your Self?

Ever heard the idiom, “you have to fake it til you make it”? I know you have. So, maybe actually just give it a try.

be Love.


Leave Out Voluntary Expectation


How do you Love?

For most of us, love comes with “ifs”, “buts” and “whens”.

“I love you if you love me back.”

“I love you but only when you agree with me.”

“I love you when I decide you’re the person I want you to be.”

With expectation comes parameter. We limit our opportunity to lead a life of vulnerability and rather, we become vulnerable to life.

A life of vulnerability is one in which we represent our authenticity through our Heart. It’s a life where we know that the Love we possess inside is a Love that we will always have and is infinite regardless of what happens around us.

Being vulnerable to life can’t allow us to live from our Heart because of fear. Because we become scared of what it will cost us. Sure, maybe we can master “earthly” love; largely the same love that can apply to pizza, Sunday night football and your favorite socks, but this isn’t Love [uppercase ‘L’ Love].

“Earthly” love is easy. It’s replaceable. Don’t feel like pizza? Get some perogies. Football season over? Maybe Dancing with the Stars? What happens when the dryer eats one of said favourite socks? New socks! And, sadly, the relationships we cherish, too become disposable.

When love comes with expectations of what it can provide to us, it also comes with what can be taken from us. Let’s face it; none of us is going to be around forever. At least not in this physical form. So, what happens when you put the demands of earthly love on physical beings and forms? Inevitable loss. You’re holding onto something that can be taken from you.

The expectations and demands we place on the love we choose to use, are all voluntary. They don’t represent the Love you can share to any and every one, including yourself. Love [uppercase ‘L’ Love] doesn’t need anything except a medium to operate in, You. And, it doesn’t need anything to keep it going except for You.

Love can be Love to your mother, daughter, co-worker, milkman, the homeless and the destitute. It’s because Love [again, uppercase ‘L’ Love] doesn’t come with expectations. Love expects as much from your mother as it does from a beggar; nothing.

There was a guy, once upon a time, who didn’t appear to get very many haircuts and had a beard that many a 21st century hipster would envy. Amongst other things, this simple fellow was persecuted because of his ability to Love and treat everyone the same; mother, father, prostitute, thief, the same. He did this because giving his Love is how he received. He didn’t see his mother or a prostitute or a thief, he saw one thing, Love. He saw that we are all the light of Love regardless of anything else; relationship, status and reciprocation.

The most promising part of that story is how that guy is no different from you and I. Truly, he was just a guy. He didn’t judge, condemn or expect. He was just Love and saw Love. You don’t have to break up with your barber or ditch your shaver, but maybe cut out the expectation. Find the joy and reward in giving.

be Love.


work it out with Love.

tough love

Being Love doesn’t mean being a doormat.

With an intention of living from the Heart, comes a misaligned ideology that your purpose is to be faultlessly perfect. To never get mad, to always be understanding, to take everyone’s crap. If you’re Love then shouldn’t you be forever-forgiving and constantly cheek-turning and always all-accepting? If that’s what “being Love” is, then you’re going to have to count me out. That’s a road that’s just too high for me to take every single time.

Life and the people we live with are going to push our buttons and test our limits. Until we reach that pinnacle of enlightened-ness, aka. Jesus, Buddha et al, situations are just going to question our endeavour to be Love. It’s impossible (nothing’s impossible) to not succumb to fear, anger, jealously, pain and sadness at some point in our lives. Or, if you’re a regular human being, at some point in every week. The thing is, you have the ability to take a stand against whoever you need to, including yourself (yes, yourself). That stand doesn’t come against Love, though, it comes with Love.

There’s a way to say, “I’m not going to take this anymore,” with Love.

There’s a way to say, “I won’t let you treat me this way,” with Love.

There’s a way to say, “I’m better than this situation,” with Love.

And, none of these ways is fuelled by hate, anguish, pride or retaliation. It’s fuelled by Love for your Self.

We’re not always going to be able to look into our adversary’s eyes and offer our Heart and our Love. There are just instances where it’s not going to be pretty. I won’t even ask you to silently bless the person; it’s probably the last thing you care to do. But, there is still a choice you can make. This is where tough Love comes in.

Tough Love can still be Love.

Tough Love is being able to redirect the Love we try to give to others and give it to our Self. Tough Love is being able to say that you’re no longer standing for what’s being projected on to you, but rather you’re going to choose to project Love on to your Self. Standing up for your Self and your Love doesn’t need to be an outward attack, all it needs to be is the decision to Love your Self and to not be the victim. When you make the decision of self Love, it is invariably a decision to bring more Love to the universe and everyone in it, regardless of if it’s acknowledged.

Tough Love is tough because it’ll take the appearance of just the opposite of Love. It’ll look like reprisal or spite or malice. And, not only will it be difficult to draw a line in the sand of the Love we want to give outwardly, but it will be challenging to bring that Love to us inwardly. Letting your Self be both the giver and the receiver of your Love may sometimes be the answer to your situation.

Your Heart is a muscle, too; sometimes it just needs to be flexed.

be Love.


the compassionate sole

heart shoes hi tops

When’s the last time you tried on a new pair of shoes?

Kinda deceiving, a new pair of shoes, can be. Usually, you’re a size 8. But this time, this pair fits a bit small. Those ones over there really catch your eye; too bad they feel like you just stepped into a bear trap. Hold on though, the pair on the top shelf. Those are perfect. Shit, maybe if you didn’t have a mortgage and a car payment and groceries to buy.

And so, we spend this time, going store to store, undertaking the due diligence we’re all entitled to when exercising our consumerist rights. Maybe we end up buying ourselves a new pair of slides or, maybe our adventure goes on armed with a bit more information and knowledge about what we’re looking for?

When it comes to figuring out what feels the best on us and for us, we often take that time that is necessary. But, when it comes to the person in front of us in line or next to us on the bus or that we work with, we’re pretty convinced we know exactly what they’re wearing.

I wonder how their shoes feel?

Compassion fits everyone.

We all have a closet full of shoes. Some of ‘em look really nice and make us feel great; some of ‘em fit like junk and really bring us down. We’re always getting rid of pairs we don’t need and picking up new ones as we go. But, do we ever take the time to put on someone else’s shoes? Maybe we’re too busy admiring our own, or trying to shine up the scuffs? Maybe our laces came undone and we have to stop and tie them up? Or, maybe we just can’t understand why someone would put on the pair they have and we, plain and simple, just don’t give a darn.

Why is that?

When you take a moment to stop walking in your own shoes and try to step into someone else’s, you open up your willingness for compassion. You open up your Heart.

Compassion isn’t an exercise in empathy, sympathy or feeling sorry for someone. It’s trying to be that person. It’s trying to understand what it is they’re experiencing in their situation, their mind and in their Heart and asking yourself, “what if that were me”?

Pausing to step into someone’s shoes is your way to be their sadness, their frustration and their anger, but from a constructive place of Love. When you take that pause, your tendency to judge and to react will slow down and will evolve itself into a desire to understand and relate. Not only is it the way to their Heart, it’s the way to yours.

When you cross paths with that someone, be it a family member, friend, acquaintance or stranger, on that difficult road, walk in their shoes. Stop, take yours off, put theirs on and carry them.

be Love.






watt brightens you?

heart lightbulb

Arguably, I’m not the brightest bulb in the shed. Sometimes, my brain works at a bit of snail’s pace in terms of “getting” things.

Like most folks, my life is a bunch of ups and downs. Things can be good; things can be not so good. It usually seems pretty convenient to point the finger to explain why. But, there’s one thing I know for sure; there is always one constant to the equation, me.

External factors don’t really change day-to-day for most of us. I still go to the same job I appreciate, sleep in the same comfy bed, have the same awesome truck and cherish the same relationships. Granted, you might be a bit down because someone ate your lunch out of the work refrigerator or you might have an extra bounce in your step because you get to wear your favourite shirt. Largely, things kinda don’t change. So?….

On this particular day, that couple of weeks ago, I was feeling less than great. Nothing had happened to get me there; it was just an average day. Only, on that day I had a different response to how I was feeling. Instead of being just crummy, I was being crummy and thinking about the other days that I hadn’t felt that way. I remember thinking that hiding in my bed wouldn’t help. Putting on my favourite shirt and going for a drive wouldn’t do it, either. Seeing a loved one or getting a hug would probably be nice, but ultimately, I felt like I was just stuck in that rut. At the same time, those days when I was feeling great, it wasn’t really because of any of those things, either.

This realization wasn’t really the easiest spot to be in. Basically, it was a complete toe-to-toe of “discouraging” versus “promising”. Discouraging because it seemed that there was nothing I could run towards to help me. Promising because it became apparent that I didn’t need to run from myself to help me.

Lightbulb – I think I finally got what “choosing happiness” meant.

Am I doing it? No. Well, not every day. But, knowing that it really is a choice is the only way to give yourself the opportunity to be there. It’s not to say that you should pretend and put on a happy face if that’s not who you are that day. It’s to say that it can be you, and it is you. Just not right now. Above all, just know that being you, with what you have and don’t have, is your happiness.

I think we often believe that material factors, someone else’s actions or companionship shape our happiness. Those can all definitely help. But, in the absence of those things, then what? Well, it’s your opportunity to acknowledge that you can choose whatever you want to be. We all have something different that really fills our Heart. But, the common thread is that whatever it is, it will be whatever is true in your Heart. And, daunting as it may seem, YOU’RE the only one that can find it. The great thing, you’ll never be without you!

be Love.