james jaworsky

Published: 296 articles

713 words and I may have not said a thing

Want to know what’s probably the most difficult thing in the world to do? Not even “probably”, come to think of it; it has to be the most difficult, actually. And, not because ‘it’ per se is difficult, it’s because everything else makes it difficult. Everything else around ‘it’ that’s not ‘it’ makes it difficult.

Want to know what’s the most difficult thing in the world to do?

Trust your Heart.

It was never meant to be, but it is. And, believe me, if I could explain exactly why, I’d be the first person I’d try to explain it to.

Our Heart is real, yet so much that is around us, is not. That’s not to say it’s good or bad, one way or another, it’s just not….real. Or, perhaps, not as real. And, I think that something we all desire to be, however deep down we’ve repressed it, is to be who we really are; to be real.

Sometimes, on occasion, I sit down in front of this keyboard and I know what I want to come out, but I don’t know how to get there. I search for the words, but stumble. I seek for the appropriate metaphor, but nothing. I try to relate or illustrate the idea by example, but come up empty. It doesn’t seem of merit enough to simply tell yourself or anyone else, “because that’s what’s in my Heart”. It’s a reason, but it’s not really a reason.

Perhaps that’s why it can be difficult to trust our Heart? Perhaps those instances whereby we can’t tangibly communicate what’s in there makes it seems the opposite of real, when it couldn’t be more? Maybe because we can’t translate a feeling into something of a lesser medium of communication, maybe it makes it seem as though we’re working from nothing more than a whim? And, a whim is the last thing anyone would ever want to trust.

Or, maybe fear has a lot to do with it? Maybe it’s because we’d trusted our Heart once, or twice, or three times and we were hurt? Maybe we trusted our Heart and were taken advantage of or cheated or abused? That would probably do it. That would probably, whether voluntary or not, condition our subconscious to abandon turning to the Heart for guidance.

And, you know, in turning away from the Heart for guidance, for self Love, we turn to everything that is not our Heart. We turn to the mind, we turn to what others think, we turn to what we should think, we turn to what others have done. We turn to all the things that can and will never be as real as our Heart. We turn to what we think is “best” as opposed to what the Heart knows is best.

I don’t think trusting your Heart means everything is going to be amazing. But, I think trusting our Heart is what makes us amazing.

As I type this, I can’t help but feel I’m saying little to nothing. Little to nothing because this is so much less about how to spell it out and so much more about what it feels like. It’s like looking up at that C-shaped crescent moon in the night sky and believing, trusting, what the universe holds. I’d have no easier of an endeavour putting pen to paper on that one in any overly convincing way other than to say, “you just have to trust the Universe”. I have no taller of soapbox to stand on other than to let myself trust what’s up there; what’s out there. No different than trusting what’s in here (pointing at chest where Heart is).

I trust my Heart. It’s hard to know it sometimes, to hear it sometimes, to listen to it sometimes, but I trust it. I know there’s no one way to do it other than to do it. And, to get up and try again. And, get up and try again. I know we’ve all tried those other things; we’ve tried to trust what our mind thought, what other people thought, what we thought we should have thought, and have still had to mend and rebuild. So, why not trust the one real place Love is?

Trust your Heart.

Be Love.

a mother’s Love

Long before I put ‘pen to paper’ on this, I knew that I would not have the words to express what a mother’s Love is. I knew that as much as I could not have the capacity to find the words that would give even the smallest amount credence to this Love, I am sure that it is, in fact, something that is not capable of being fit into words. It is not anything that can be captured into a static form of expression; not into words, not into a painting, not into song. If it could be, I would not be the one to do it. I could not be the one to do it. And so, this is not about what a mother’s Love is, this is about what it has been, and is, to me.

I am a lucky one. I have a mom to which the inexplicable definition of what a mother’s Love, belongs to. She is a mom who believes her existence to be solely for that of her children. She is here so that my brother and I can be here; is what she would tell you. And, although the expression from which that emanates is not always as poetically fluid as the notion of it suggests; ie, “are you eating enough?”, “are you getting to bed early?” that’s what a mother’s Love sometimes sounds like.

When I was younger, so too was my awareness. She was just, ‘my mom’; the mom I’d always known – giving me flak for staying out too late, for not getting along with my father and for listening to music too loudly. But, my mom has always been her. She has always embodied, in whatever complexion was fitting given the circumstance at the time, what it is to carry the fire of a mother’s Love.

As my path in life took a shape that found me acknowledging the concept of and believing in my own evolution, I realized that there is nothing that will stay the same unless chosen to be that way. This is active evolution; it is not something that just happens as you passively wait but that you must be a participant in. As my awareness grew and my consciousness expanded, so did my emotional quotient. I remember, many many years ago as I was about to move out, people had told me that my relationship would change with my parents. At the time, the infancy of my awareness, I was resistant to believe it because of how it had always been. I would never be ‘friends’ with my parents.

My relationship with my parents did change, more so with my mother than my pops. Which makes a bit of sense; put us four in a line up and you’ll have no trouble seeing that my father largely begat my brother and the majority of my blueprints come from mom. Thankfully, I’ll say too, she’s the better looking one. 🙂

As the years went on, I started speaking more with my mother; not just about what was “going on at work” or “what was new”, but about life. It wasn’t as though everything just one day was out on the table, but things started opening up a bit more (still a work in progress). It was never really part of my consciousness to see behind my mom’s super hero cape that there was a person no different from me; I didn’t have the emotional quotient, once upon a time. As we spoke more, I listened more. It wasn’t so much of what I heard her say; it was what I felt her say. I started to feel how any little thing that brought me down, tore her right down. I started to feel how any time I was stressed out or worn thin, she became an extension of that multiplied by eighteen, wanting nothing more than to take it from me and shoulder the burden herself. I realized that I was blessed with a mother that only needed one thing for her life to feel meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled; that my brother and I had lives that were meaningful, complete, happy and fulfilled. And, to this day, she is still the same person that she has always been. Her evolution as a caring, giving, selfless mother was complete a long, long time ago; long before my evolution into this awareness ever began. For that, I am forever grateful. The difference now that I recognize this and I tell her.

My life has also been blessed with a parallel experience; one that I don’t think I could have ever expected – the unexpected, the calling card of the Universe, it seems. 🙂 I was fortunate enough to share a relationship with a woman that is also a mother, at a time where attention to my awareness, consciousness and evolution was ever-present in my life. To have the opportunity to be part of, experience and witness a mother’s Love from this place in a relationship was a greater expansion of my Heart.

It was an experience certainly different than what it is to be mother’s child; the only experience I had ever known. This new experience was being side by side with a partner that embodies this Love. It was the ability to observe it, to learn from it, to grow from it and to participate in it. I witnessed the strength and the beauty, the vulnerability and the pain behind this Love. Again, something I could never have the words, capacity or emotion to communicate; therein which lay the power of it. It would be like trying to explain the magnitude of the Universe; where would you even begin?

I feel fortunate to have had that been a part of my life. I believe it taught me something that would not have been possible had I, myself, also been a parent simultaneously. Of course, there is immense personal growth and evolution in being a parent; very different, as well, between that of a mother and a father. But this part of my life, the connection to that Love, has given me a special piece toward making my Heart bigger. Toward making my Love bigger. And for that, I am forever grateful.

As an ethereal embodiment on this plane of existence, we are all composed of a masculine and feminine energetic harmony within us. As a male physical representation of those masculine and feminine energies, I will never be able to experience, within me, what the Love of a mother is. It is something I can feel and experience inside of my Heart, but from that which is external from me; from that which I’ve tried to narrate with the words here. And, although there are words here, this Love is not about words. It’s not about what it sounds like or what it looks like, it’s exactly about the fire inside that only a mother can illuminate.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Be Love.

connect four….for your heart, your soul, your universe, for Love

Connection.

/kəˈnekSH(ə)n/ 1. a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else. 2. to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind

There was an idea, once upon a time, that I had about connection. That time wasn’t that long ago. But, it was a time, nonetheless, where I’d lived less of life than I have to this point. There goes the passage of time by which your life happens and that by which you happen upon life as time passes by. Connection has changed since the last time I thought I knew something about it. Did I learn? Yes. It is a way to explain it. Did I feel? Entirely. I wish there were the words to explain it.

It seems that connection, the time before now, may have been something I placed into a box. It was a certain something and it achieved a particular whatever it was. I thought I knew what it was all about back then, or maybe I just pretended to. Perhaps I knew a bit of something about it. It was as real then as it is now; that hasn’t changed. But, it seemed more malleable then. It could come and go, ebb and flow, be a yes or a no. I knew less back then. I’d felt less back then.

What I know now is not something I know from knowing, it’s something I know from feeling. It’s something that’s probably bigger than I ever thought it was. That’s not to say I had never thought it was something big, it’s just maybe not like this. And, as I reflect upon all that has been taught to me; all that I’ve awakened to; I wonder why it took me this long to understand something that makes the sense that it does. Perhaps better to be a slow learner than no learner at all? (the answer to that question is always ‘yes’).

There is the connection that resides in this physical plane; the one that comes and goes. It is the connection you may have with many or you may have with few. It’s a connection of commonality, of shared experiences, of voluntary and involuntary interaction and of dependence. It’s a connection you can have with family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and the person you buy your coffee from every morning. This connection is not diminished by its definition and place. It’s a meaningful connection. There is learning in this space. It fills a need for your human-ness. It is an acknowledgement of physical presence, physical being and physical existence. It is a beautifully orchestrated composition of how, regardless of circumstance, position, belief system or demographic, we can find connection in one another.

Then there is a greater connection; a deeper connection. It is not of the same plane as that of the physical connections we experience. It is beyond that. It is not a connection you can or will establish around every corner you turn. And, although you may have known of this connection for forty years, four years or four weeks, your Heart and soul have known it forever. These connections are eternal. They have been created in your Universe and live upon the stars. You will know this connection because it won’t have a definition or an explanation. It will, undoubtedly, have a place within your physical being, as it must. A connection of the Heart and soul will also take space in the physical realm. But, of the connections we make in this place, only very few have residence in our Heart and soul; our Universe.

And so, I revisit my earlier statement; “I wish there were the words to explain it”. Maybe the words are there? Maybe they are the ones that speak about playing cards with your grandmother, or about that friend that can always lift your spirits no matter what? Or, maybe they are the words that speak about how your father would tuck you into his coat when it started raining outside or how your light never feels brighter than when you think of your children? Or, maybe the words are about the person you fall asleep thinking about and wake up with on your mind? Maybe these words are not really words at all but feelings from a bigger place that we want to make sense of? But, we don’t need to make sense of them. They are before us and they will be after us. They are your Heart, your soul, your Universe. There is evolution here. Opening up to the Love, the beauty, the fear and the pain – there is evolution there. Your evolution. The expansion of your greater being into those connections is You.

Be Love.

are you heart smart?

There is certainly no doubt surrounding the importance of mental health. In fact, although there is still a great distance of progress to be made as to the generally accepted view of how significant mental health is to our completeness as human beings, we’re getting there.

Something I believe that, not entirely ignored but, is undoubtedly lacking in presence to the conversation is that of emotional health.

The barometer of our overall well-being has always encompassed a long-standing position toward the maintenance of our physical health but is now making a positive shift to include our mental health, as well. Within that, or perhaps a third quotient on its own, I believe, is emotional health.

Because the concept of mental health, although infinitely important, being in its relative infancy with respect to its public acceptance and relevance, thought toward or even the acknowledgement of emotional health is far behind if not entirely non-existent altogether. But, it too, provides and plays such a significant role in how you perceive, interpret and navigate your reality.

Not unlike mental well being, our emotional health is predicated on how we process our feelings and the translation of those feelings through to our thoughts and actions. Our mental functioning is a direct product of concepts, experiences and beliefs that are held within our emotional field. And yet, although we understand and speak about our “feelings” when trying to steer through our mental maze, we simply only scratch the surface on how deep our emotions run and reflect outwardly from our thoughts.

The mind is a powerful ally and adversary all at once, but our heart is really the engine that makes us go; it is always on our side. It really is everything. Who we are, what we believe, how we act, are all personifications of what we translate from our heart with our mind. I, for a very long time, assumed that how I thought is what I felt. But, it’s the other way around; what we feel is how we think. Are thoughts and feelings and feelings and thoughts intertwined and, probably, inseparable? I’m sure I’d have to say ‘yes’ more than anything else. But, I also don’t believe we provide enough attention to what our feelings really say to us or where they come from. The greatest impacts I’ve ever experienced within my Self were all a product of my emotion; of what I felt. That from which translated into what I thought; thought about me, about my life, thought about the people near to me. Yet, as much as I thought I was addressing those emotions, was I? I’ve discovered that, although I paid great credence toward my heart, there was a blurred line where into my mind took over.

My life has taken me in a direction where I’ve labelled myself as a “feelings” person (get your Myers-Briggs type indicators out). And, I’ve thought that we are not all feelings type people. But, we are. We just don’t all choose to be. We feel, but we ignore. We feel, but we push away. We feel, but we internalize. We believe that just by “feeling”, maybe almost automatically or passively, that we’ve done our job of attending to that side of us. But, there’s more to it. There’s more questions to ask, more depth to embark on, more challenge to face. And, I think, that’s what holds us back; emotion is tough. It requires a lot from us to find the truth. We’re scared to learn what we might find; scared to learn what may surface about ourselves. But, emotional health and well being is not about the fear of what’s there, it’s about the healing that will come. And, it will take facing that. It will take your own resolve to make that choice.

It’s been part of my own process and my own evolution, to address these parts of myself introspectively and, pun intended, to get to the heart of what it is. It’s been a journey and not an easy one. But, I don’t view it as a difficult one, either. It just feels like it’s the journey of who I am. And, I’m certainly not done. I don’t think one would ever be done. Your heart has no boundaries and so why would you?

Be Love.

 

got ’em in a row?

I found church.

Two things; one – this is not about church. Two – I almost wrote, “again”.

I grew up in a rather religious household. It’s how my parents were raised; it’s how each of their parents was raised and so on. My “attendance” at church every Sunday wasn’t so much of a choice than it was just doing what I was told to do by the people who paid my rent to live in their house. Needful to say, I started failing the proverbial morning roll call right around the time that Saturday nights began making Sunday mornings a real tough endeavour.

This is not about church.

Not too long ago, on very short notice (the same morning, actually), a very close friend of mine invited me to church. I knew why the invitation had come and, very transparently, I knew I should accept. I was compelled, let’s call it. It’d been a long while since I’d been to such a place for other than a Christmas or a wedding. It wasn’t because I was against what it had to offer, it was because in between the time of living under my parents’ roof and about ten years ago, I developed conscious thought toward my own belief system, what it meant to me and how the choices I made in life lined up with who I was evolving into. “Church”, as I’d known it, wasn’t for me.

I almost wrote, “again”.

I found church, for the first time. Or, probably better put, I let it find me. The reason I don’t say “again” is because my first go-round with church wasn’t mine. And, that’s ok. Granted, the original reason for my near twenty year hiatus was a product of simply just not wanting to wake up on Sunday morning anymore; my prolonged absence was because church and religion just didn’t line up with what I believed in. And, I’ll call it what it was; it was boring. It didn’t feel like it supported what I wanted for myself and my evolution.

So, what’s this really about?

I go to church to now. Every Sunday morning. It’s pretty great, to be honest. I don’t think I would really call it church, though, as much as I would call it a get-together; a get-together of a bunch of people with really big hearts and no judgement. A community. I find apprehension in using terms like church and religion because of my own experience with them. I think, like me, it can close people off to possibility. I found myself in that seat for the first time, earlier this year, not because I was looking for church or religion, but because another piece of alignment with my true Self found me; because someone near and dear to me helped me find another piece of it.

That’s what this is about; finding those pieces. This “church” I go to, it’s a beautiful place filled with wonderful people, accepting of all, that are interested in the same things; kindness, compassion, helping one another and Love. It’s not about dogma and fear and the boring weekly pre-scripted narrative that I grew up with. The energy and vibration here lifts me to a better place. “Sunday best”, has taken on a new meaning for me. It’s not making sure my collared shirt is neatly pressed and my shoes are shined. “Sunday best”, is me just showing up with an open Heart, wearing jeans and a Snoopy sweatshirt, to a place that makes me a bigger person than I was before I got there. And, that’s how I leave that place; better than when I got there.

I’m grateful for what’s happened; I’ve learned. I’ve learned that I let my past define my present and my future. Had I not accepted that invitation and resorted to falling back on what I thought I knew about “church”, sticking to my guns, sticking to what had been my experience, I would have never let this find me.

It’s about alignment; it’s about opening yourself up to possibility, even if you think you know everything about whatever it is. Trust me, you don’t. And hey, do I agree with every message or belief that gets passed along at this place? I don’t. But, that’s also been another valuable lesson I’ve learned. You don’t have to agree with everything or have everything in common with or aspire to exactly the same goal or objective to experience alignment with your Self. Alignment is not about commonalities or same past experiences, it’s about vibration and energy. Often, we gravitate toward the facets of life that we feel mirror us the best. Whether it’s friends, romantic partners, activities, an occupation; we try to draw towards us what we know. It’s because of the comfort in that idea and, more prominently, the fear of what we don’t know. But, how do you further your evolution, further your growth, by surrounding yourself with the same thing over and over, again? Well, you probably don’t. You probably just continue to get what you’ve always gotten. And, unless that’s working for you, maybe it’s time to do something different? Even if it means looking at something old through a fresh lens, as has been the case with me and my new Sunday meeting place.

When we try to line up the ducks before we even begin, we miss out. We miss out on challenge; we miss out on expanding our Universe; we miss out on evolution; and, we miss out on lifting our energy. For years I’d told myself that church doesn’t line up for me. For all intents and purposes, I’d been done with it. But then, my circumstance called this to me and I accepted. Without truly knowing it at the time, it was my energy and vibration, or perhaps lack thereof, which brought me to this. And now, for at least one hour of each week, I’m choosing to put myself in a better place.

There’s nothing being sold to me nor am I selling you anything other than what’s already inside of you. We’re all meant to lift ourselves as high as we can go. Sometimes that means pulling up our socks and doing it ourselves, sometimes it means allowing others to help us do it and sometimes it just means doing something different even it seems the same. Your alignment and energy will lead you in the right direction.

Quack.

Be Love.

if that picture doesn’t make you smile, i can’t help you. :)

You don’t just ‘be happy’, you choose happy.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? You don’t really just ‘be’ anything, do you? You don’t just ‘be’ strong. You don’t just ‘be’ well organized. You don’t just ‘be’ an astronaut. You have to choose the actions that are commensurate with the goal. You choose to go to the gym. You choose to be conscientious and tidy. You choose to go into outer space. Aside from humanness, ‘being’ anything doesn’t just happen (and, even the human being thing is a stretch for some people). 🙂

You choose happy. How? By making decisions in your life that lead to happiness. You choose joy; you choose fun; you choose uplifting people to spend time with; you choose hugs; you choose peace. You’ll never be able to choose everything in life that you get. But, you get to choose how you respond and you make the decisions that support your happiness. And hey, are you going to be happy all the time? Maybe! But, probably not. That’s what human being is about. The question is really about how you’re supporting happiness in your life.

We all go through tough times. We need those times. Great learning and personal evolution come from those times. When we reach beyond adversity to find the other side, we call upon our greater self to challenge who we are and who we want to be. That is growth. That is evolution. But, there also comes the time, past adversity, past the tough time, when we find further growth by choosing to elevate our Self. It’s as though you bump yourself up a notch and create a new baseline of Self; a new baseline of happiness that has traversed and triumphed over the former. You make that choice.

I know it’s easy to say you’re not happy, for any variety of reasons. But, I challenge anyone wholeheartedly that truly believes they’ve never experienced joy, or had fun, or appreciated the company of a loved one, or felt safe in a hug. That’s the stuff that leads to happiness. Doing those things over and over and over, again. Find the resources in your life to create the opportunities that create those feelings and emotions. The more time you spend in those places, the easier it becomes for your baseline to mirror that; to elevate there. You’ll forget what it feels like to be lower. You’ll forget what it feels like to be discouraged. You’ll forget what it feels like to lack value in who you are. When you spend more time in places that lead to happiness, you take the strain off of your mind to remember what it’s like. You remove the distance between the two points. You live there, together. Through, probably some not great times sure, but surrounded by happiness way more of the time. Surrounded by support, by strength, and yes, Love. These building blocks construct themselves upon each other; they’re dependent upon each other. You don’t work toward one to, only then, work toward the next. You let them work all together; that’s where the true power is. Everyone pulls the rope at the same time. If the first person pulled with all their might, then stopped so that the second person could pull with all their might and stopped to let the next person pull and the next and the next, down to the end, everyone would end up in the mud before they knew it. You pull at all these things together.

Get basic. Read something inspirational. Watch something heartwarming. Give a hug. Ask for a hug. Lay under the stars. Stop and smell the roses. Eat chocolate. Tell someone they’re beautiful. Tell yourself you’re beautiful. Pick up the telephone, dial a number and say, “I Love you”.

I promise, you get to choose all of these things.

Choose happy. Choose Love.

 

Be Love.

Listen to something fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dGp8F7CHEY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru0K8uYEZWw

can you hear me now?….

Connection.

Connection is real.

It’s the reason why that certain song always brightens your mood. It’s how you can watch that one movie over and over and over, again. It’s what draws you to a particular smell or a particular colour or a particular number (balsam, green and eight, by the way :] ). It’s connection. These are the frequencies emitted from any number of sources that resonate most with who you are. That connect with you; that tell the story of you.

Most importantly, though, connection is your greatest teacher.

Connection will guide you in an immense way. Albeit yes, although connection defines you in many physical parameters; the way you prefer to dress, the activities you like to participate in and the manner in which you represent your internal vision as your external self, connection is responsible for what shapes you most; relationships.

Connection is the reason for and why relationships enter, leave and remain a part of your life – including the relationship you have with your Self.

Think of the hundreds of people you’ve encountered in your life. Think of who has drifted through, stuck around for awhile, is here to stay and maybe even won’t seem to ever leave. Think, even, of the relationship you’ve had with your Self over the years. There are endless lessons here; joy, triumph, hurt, pain and Love.

It seems as though the general theory of connection is that it’s either there or it’s not there. And, it’s true. As elementary as it may seem to say, if a person has entered your life, there is a connection. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t be there. But, it’s also true that connection is not just a ‘it works’ or ‘it doesn’t work’ thing. Connection is a ‘it takes work’ thing.

Connection is why you have the family you have; but it doesn’t mean that everything goes smoothly all the time. Connection is why you have the friends you have; but it doesn’t mean that you see or speak to them every week. Connection is why you have the romantic partners you have; but it doesn’t mean that you’re always on cloud eight or that any such person is even still around.

But, connection, real connection, is the reason why you do what it takes to be a family even when your physical self is frustrated and tired. Real connection is the reason why you can pick up with that friend after months without missing a beat even though your physical self has been absent for so long. And, real connection is the reason why you find a way to make it work with your partner even if your physical self attempts to stand in the way of your Heart.

Connection is rooted in the deeper part of who you are. It’s how strongly your Heart pulls you there. There doesn’t need to be a pen and paper reason for it. What your Heart says is the reason. It’s not established based upon attributes and definitions of the physical realm. Its foundation is in your Heart. Our physical limitations and boundaries are often what impede real connection, as opposed to fostering it.

To levy somewhat of a harsh opinion; if you feel as though you’re the same person you’ve always been, there’s a good chance you haven’t done any work in strengthening the connection you have with your Self. Why? Understandably, because it’s physically tough to deal with your shit. Your Heart and your spiritual being want nothing more than for you to be the beautiful soul that you are. That is your foundation of who you are. But, it’s your physical self that holds you back or convinces you that you’re “good” where you are; that you should be where you are. It’s also the reason we stay in relationships we shouldn’t. But, it is not of your Heart.

You don’t build connection; it is something that has already been long established before any of us knew so. It comes to us at the time in life that it needs to for us to evolve; to choose to evolve. You understand connection; not all will be the same. You strengthen connection; not all will get your full attention and energy. You learn and you grow. You decide which of them  will truly connect your Self to your life and to your Heart.

Be Love.

 

easy choice?

Last week, a very close friend called me saying that he’d promised himself that he would reach out with something more than a text message; certainly something I appreciated. In the same sentence, he also said he wanted to ask me something.

“Of course, man. Anything”.

Paraphrasing, he asked, “how do you write about the things you write about? How do you just put yourself out there with all of it?”

I remember my response. I paused….and then paused some more. Finally, I said, “because I’m not scared”.

I elaborated on I meant. It wasn’t a matter of being “tough” or “brave”, it was a matter of being who I am. I told him that I’d been through enough of life, of my life, to know this is who I’ve become and to be anything else would be as though I’d be swimming against the current trying to get somewhere I didn’t even want to be anyway. Or, was even supposed to be.

It made me recall a conversation, in somewhat of the same regard, with another close person in my life. It was speaking about how it’s not as though a person changes, it’s just that we all go through life experiences that lead us through and to who we really are. Those experiences are all part of how much of our heart we choose to want to unlock. That’s what evolution of the Self is. It’s not changing; it’s choosing. The part we have to play in it, is choice. We have to choose how much of our true self and the Love we have inside that we want to let out. And, it truly is an evolution; once you’ve gone that direction, it stays with you. It’s not a flash in the pan; one day it’s here and then maybe, poof!, the next day it’s gone.

I remember, in that previous discussion, giving the example of starting my meditation practice at Aromansse. It was something that ten-years-ago-me would have ever thought ten-years-later-me would have ever done, let alone be fully subscribed into. But, there I was; choosing that part of me to be unlocked. Not to change who I was, but to evolve into who I am. It’s a lot to handle at times. It’s tough. It’s scary. It’s a lot of responsibility to evolve one’s self, to almost have to let go of everything you thought you knew. There have been a few times that I’ve wanted to abandon ship. I tried. But, that’s the other thing I learned; anything that is truly of your heart you cannot go back from. I couldn’t just choose to ignore any of this. Like I said, I’ve tried when it felt like it got to be too much. When it felt too tough to accept the responsibility and accountability of this path. Too tough to accept what comes with self awareness. Too tough to embrace how much more there still is to go. But, you can’t go back. You can’t erase the choice of making your heart bigger.

And, my heart has grown bigger. From joy, from happiness, from hurt and from harm. It’s all Love. It’s all part of the curriculum. It’s all part of learning from each life experience. Would there have been things I would have done differently? Yes. Absolutely. I am definitely not a person that sits atop his pride and says, “if I could redo it, I wouldn’t change a thing”. It would be a lie for me to say that. There would have been things I would have done differently. But, I have learned from my mistakes. I have grown from my mistakes. And, more will come, I’m sure. But, I’ve chosen to accept what comes with the choices I’ve made, good and not-so-good.

And so, I’m not scared to be this. Are there things I’m scared of? There are. But, to be scared of my Self? To be scared of my heart? No. I don’t want to do that. Not anymore.

Be Love.

 

 

let there be light!

Everyone has a beautiful heart.

I invite you to think of any tyrant throughout the various eras of history, or any acts of hatred or violence you’ve ever seen on the news, or even what’s happened to you personally. Every one of those individuals you can think of has a beautiful heart.

There is no equilibrium maintained in the heart. There is only good; only beauty; only Love.  Just like how it cannot be both day and night in the same place; the system of equilibrium of the heart, is larger. The harmful acts we witness, experience and feel, whether physical, mental or emotional, are not a product of the type of heart a person has, but rather, they are a product of the type of person that person is. Those acts come from a wider system that include the heart, but are not by way of the heart. The full spectrum of that system of equilibrium houses the mind, the ego, pain, abuse and, ultimately, fear. Any choice not made from Love is made from the influence of those other components of the system.

To Love unconditionally is not to allow oneself to be hurt but to separate the Love from all else. It is the choice to acknowledge the light of the heart even though it may not be shining on you.

Unconditional Love is a choice. It’s a big choice. Not only does it mean you accept the responsibility of living in the frequency of Love, it means you have to choose to look past what you see on the outside (not Love) for what is actually on the inside (Love). You may even have to accept and understand that what you have experienced before (Love), you no longer do (not Love). Still not done – to add even more to it; you will also have to decide how much of the not Love stuff you’re willing to keep in your life and how much you do not want to navigate through. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Choosing unconditional Love is to acknowledge the Love in every heart there is, regardless of anything else. As much as it requires an unrelenting, open heart, it doesn’t mean you do so at a detriment to your own. This is not only true of the relationships you carry on in your personal life but it’s true of how you simply carry on in everything in your life. It’s watching endless news story after news story of violence. It’s interacting with people on a level that focus on or gravitate towards the negative. (Consequently, that one is tough because it will feel as though we are connecting with the people we are sharing these stories with. And, there is a positive, productive and supportive way to do this. However, more often than not, the stories we share and try to relate upon are about something terrible someone did or how crummy of a person “so-and-so” is, rather than actually communicating our true feelings, trying to understand perspectives and being both sympathetic and empathetic.) It’s what state of emotional presence you keep yourself in and how you respond to the circumstances of your life (your vibrational frequency). And, it’s also how we replay the hurtful experiences we’ve faced, over and over, in our minds.

Frequently living in those spaces can only make it challenging to believe in the heart. It can only make it challenging to believe that everyone has a heart that is beautiful. The more time spent in the presence of these influencers, the more it shapes your paradigm of others. It’s not to say we should ignore, neglect or turn a blind eye to any of it and pretend to live in a rose-coloured reality. Nor is it to say we shouldn’t engage in and face any of it. I do it, too. I have, and will continue, to make myself a victim of it. I am human, after all. But, having the expectation to remove all of it from your life is just not realistic. We have a choice as to how much energy we want to expend in keeping our own heart strong, optimistic and full of Love in the midst of it all.

The way you outwardly approach unconditional Love is cohesive with how you experience inward unconditional Love, ie the Love and acceptance of exactly the person that you are. In truth, as I write this, the thought comes that it may work in the opposite direction. Or, perhaps they parallel each other? You, like any and every one else, have a beautiful heart. A heart that is only Love. As much as you are empowered to choose how much of it enters your life from the outside, you choose how much of it enters your life from the inside. It’s all about how and what you surround yourself with in life. It’s about what you choose to lift your vibration or not lift your vibration. Imagine the mental and emotional freedom you could possess by seeing every circumstance and every person, stranger or close companion, through the lens of unconditional Love. Imagine the mental and emotional freedom you could possess by seeing yourself through the very same lens.

Unconditional Love is a choice to see the light within every heart, it is a choice to burn yours brightly and it is a choice to decide which light you wish to make brighter with yours and which light you watch from a distance.

Be your light.

Be Love.

 

 

 

Love is what happens to you while you’re busy making plans

It’s About Time to acknowledge that Love Actually can be a bit Stranger Than Fiction; in a way by which I mean, not what we wanted to expect. What gets me, though, is despite that we’ve most likely all had this experience in life, we still attempt to convince ourselves in subscribing to a belief system that it’s “supposed” to look a certain way, to feel a certain way, to fit into a box that we probably didn’t even totally create ourselves.

We establish “ideals” that we expect from Love, yet really, the ideal is simply to be Loved and to Love. Without hesitation. Without reservation.

The challenge we all face, because we’re physical human beings, is the incongruence of mind versus heart, ie Earth versus the Universe. Do we listen to our head or do we go with the heart? How many times have you said, “well, I gotta think about it”? How many times have you said, “I’ll see how I feel”? It’s probably pretty lopsided in favour of the former over the latter. And, truthfully, even when we say we’ll check with our feelings, we usually just end up using “logic” and “reason” to sort things out, anyway. It’s not easy to let go of.

We try to blueprint Love. It’s a product of our daily intake with limited independent personal filtering and processing. It’s the movies we watch, the songs we listen to, the posts we see on Facebook and it’s a bunch of our own doing, too. Because of it all, of course we have a tough time not coming to a conclusion that Love can be figured out with a checklist. We write a story about it before it’s even happened. A story that’s not our own but one we’ve put together from various fragments creating and supporting the blueprint we think we’re supposed to want. But, how could something so big, so wonderful, be contained?

There is safety in logic. There is solace in reason. There is security in thinking something through, assessing the variables and coming to a supportable conclusion. We believe this to only be possible with the mind. We, very rarely, give any responsibility to our heart in figuring something out for us. And, it’s not just Love. Changing careers, where you decide to live; the bigger things in life, we’re too nervous to hand over to our heart.

But, the heart is not devoid of logic or rationale or reason. It employs all of those things and more; feeling, intuition and your connection with the Universe. These are big things; big things that we may not necessarily feel in control of. And, when we don’t feel very in control, we get scared. The direction that your heart is guiding you may not seem to make sense with what you thought it was going to be or what you figured it would look like, and that incongruence creates fear. Trust can be a scary thing, especially putting it into something you can’t see but only feel. And, fitting as it may be, I can’t offer a definitive, logical reason as to why you should trust your heart other than to say that I believe in it. I know that the best version of me is that one that truly comes through from my heart. I don’t know why, I can’t say how, I just know it is. That’s trust, isn’t it?

Be Love.